Limitless
by Shenko007
Summary: Earthborn, lone survivor and hero of Elysium, John Shepard was ready for anything. Falling in love with a man was not on the list and what's even more shocking is his enthusiasm. Kaidan/M!Shep, Garrus/Tali and more! AU in some parts. Chapter 1 edited!
1. Chapter 1

A/N: I've taken liberty with the timeline and for this story's sake, Shepard goes through both the Akuze incident and the Elysium event. Also, the story will be AU in some parts. Enjoy!

**Rain of Tears**

The world was strangely quiet for a foreign world. No signs of life could be heard or seen from a distance. Only the redness of the sand gave evidence that something happened.

Thunder rolled high in the sky and it darkened quickly, covering the eyes of any observers from the horrifying view.

A bloodied hand thrust upwards, the sand drizzling down the multiple scratches and gashes down the forearm. It slapped hard against the sandy ground and what followed the arm was a gasping face, bruised and swollen, making it unrecognizable to all who knew him.

Blue light flickered briefly around his upper frame as the man reared upwards. Short, pained gasps escaped chapped lips and the man grimaced as he managed to drag someone else up with him. A shorter man, no, a young boy, was brought up along with the soldier. The blond hair was matted with sweat and blood. As the boy was pulled out of their sandy graveyard, more blood pooled out of him.

Once he managed to bring the both of them out of the sand, he fell back on his side with a deep groan.

"Shep..." the blonde gasped and the man clapped his hand over the boy's mouth. The cry echoed in the now empty valley they were in, empty except for the numerous body parts that laid strewn across the bloodied ground.

Another rumble could be heard, but this time it originated ahead of them and the man's eyes widened at the way the sand shifted downwards.

It appeared that the creature wasn't done with them yet, despite having torn through forty-nine Alliance marines. As quickly as he could, the man named Shep attempted to pull the boy with him, his weight slowing their ascent up the side of the mountain. Jagged rocks cut deeply into his hands and back but the man persevered. They were almost there, almost to the top when the nightmarish creature thrust itself forward, its mouth already opened and the soldier stared down into the maw of death.

He tripped suddenly and the boy slipped downwards, held only by his blood-slickened hand.

"...Shep...leave...go..."

"Shut...up..."

"Not...your...fault..." the boy whispered to him, "Shepard!"

A tentacle had wrapped itself around the boy's neck and yanked back, pulling its victim out of Shepard's grip. There was a hoarse scream, not from the boy, but from the man who sat helplessly, watching as the mouth enclosed itself around that youthful face, splitting it open like a melon. Only a lone eye could be seen, staring almost accusingly at the lone survivor and it would forever haunt this man's dream. That and those three last words.

"Lt Shepard!" A familiar voice cracked through the red haze that covered his senses. His hand was already pushed out in front of him, the biotic power thrumming through him. It sizzled around him, in him, through him but the power came at a cost. His mind was on fire and he couldn't see anything, couldn't hear anything. He only followed his instincts, which was to fight anything that threatened him, threatened the lives he was protecting.

Instead of the Alliance Marines that jumped down, he only saw blurred armored figures with something pointed at him. They could be those vicious batarians or even human slavers coming to finish him off.

"Lt John Shepard!" That voice sounded awfully closer and he blinked his eyes. A stern looking Captain was gazing steadily back at him, unflinching and unarmed. His body blocked the Vanguard's view of the numerous soldiers piling behind him. "Look at me, son! Look at me!"

Shepard did look at him, _really_ looked at him and the red haze of battle waned, only to give way to the Captain's figure and the alllies standing warily behind him. The colours were red and black, Alliance colours, and what breath Shepard had been holding now expelled out of him in a huge gust of air.

The realization that he had won somehow poured throughout his entire body and so did the agony of pushing his biotic powers too far. White hot pain streaked through his head and neck and traveled down his spine. Every thump, every hoarse shout of an order made the pain even worse and he felt like he was falling.

The Lt pitched forward into the Captain's waiting arms and as the dark-skinned officer barked orders to the rest of the men, he looked fondly down at the unconscious hero, the one who survived Akuze and somehow fought off the ever persistent slavers and raiders for nine straight hours.

"I guess I wouldn't have to tell Admiral Hackett the bad news," he murmured tenderly to John, not really expecting an answer in return. "He already lost so much."


	2. He's Got A Nice Ass

**He's Got A Nice Ass**

**1 year later…**

"Shepard? Yeah, I've heard of him," the man replied, his fingers flying over the console in front of him. A map of the ship's systems came into display and an area was selected to be blown up for better viewing.

"He was the only survivor; some say he ran away…but I don't believe that. Not a man like him and not with a pilot saying that it was the Squad Leader's wish to see him off planet." Another man replied. His hazel eyes stared at the map, but his focus was somewhere else.

John Shepard. 23 years old. Only survivor of Akuze. Acute levels of biotics and combat skills. Biotics rivals almost of an asari matriarch…Natural biotic skills…no signs of eezo exposure…no implant required….No implant required?

"That changes a man, Kaidan," the other man continued. "Usually drives them insane. Instead, he was sent out on numerous missions and he ensured that all times, everyone survived. Even got promoted to Commander on that last mission…"

"He must be something alright, Joker…to just make a complete turnaround after that."

"And that something is approaching on deck," another crewmember hissed harshly and the two men immediately switched their topic to a rather mundane one, something that confused the approaching Commander.

"Jumpsuits?" The Commander inquired in a soft voice. "Glad I don't have to worry about those anymore."

"Yes, Commander," Joker tried hard to bit back a smartass comment. Kaidan was more successful in reserving his opinion of the Commander, until he found the man leaning over his shoulder. The man radiated heat like a thermal clip and the Staff Lt. wondered if he was going to burn by proximity.

"Bring up the map of Eden Prime," the man ordered in a deep baritone voice that sent shivers down his spine.

"Yes, sir," Kaidan said and the image of the planet came up on display. Eden Prime looked like Earth except the seas were purple instead of the familiar blue hues. Other than that, it held the right oxygen levels appropriate to sustain humanity. The seasons were quite steady for a distant planet in the Milky War. Cycles of winter, fall, spring, and summer would inexorably shift in predictable patterns, allowing the inhabitants to live as either nomads or hunter-gathers. As of now, with technological advancements, humanity found easier ways to maintain their modest lives.

"I don't like this, Commander," Joker voiced his opinion. The pilot shifted in his seat and Kaidan noticed the man flinched as he did so. However, the Staff Lieutanent didn't comment on that. "Spectres are always trouble, seeing as how they are above the law."

"I doubt the Council would send a spectre on a routine mission," the Commander said.

"Joker, send the Commander to the Briefing Room," another voice spoke out from one of the console.

"Better be ready for Nihlus, Sir," Joker replied in a wry tone. Kaidan could tell that the pilot had a cheeky smile on his face. Hell, he could hear it in that tongue-in-cheek tone.

"He's already here," came the curt response and the console went quiet, indicating that the conversation was at an end.

"Why does he always sound angry when he's talking to me," Joker groused. This time, Kaidan had to say something and when he did, Joker just gave him the finger, so to speak.

The Commander said something about the mission may not have gone right and then he left the bridge. As soon as he left, the Joker turned his gaze to the Lieutenant.

"Damn, I coulda sworn the Commander was like ten feet tall and shooting lightning bolts out of his eyes!"

"Joker, I doubt the Commander can do that. Besides, he's not an Adept though he may have biotic abilities."

"Shit, I know that, Kaidan, but I can tell you one thing." A mischevious smile played on the pilot's lips and Kaidan sighed, knowing that he was going to say something remarkably stupid or inappropriate.

"He's got a good ass."

Yep, definitely inappropriate. Sadly, Kaidan had to agree with the pilot on that, especially later on.

-TBC-

A/N: Just want to say a quick thank-you to all those who read and/or reviewed my story as well as put it on the alerts and/or favs list. Much appreciated!


	3. Trouble on Paradise Part I

**A/N:** Kaidan's POV. This story will be seen through both Shepard's and Kaidan's POV. I'll indicate who's who at the beginning of each chapter or section of chapter. If there's anything you like to add, either review or pm.

**Trouble on Paradise Part I**

When Kaidan finally saw the Commander for the first time, he was stumped by how remarkably ordinary looking he was.

The man, topped only at five-foot ten, was shorter than him. Despite his height, his reputation gave him a 'larger than life' perspective.

Like the Joker, he was expecting a man of monstrous proportions. Maybe not ten feet tall, but at least six feet and with bulging muscles.

Now, the Commander's lean frame greatly contrasted with the image of a bodybuilder in Kaidan's mind.

His closely-cropped hair reminded Kaidan of the 'jarhead' poster he saw a while back when he was being recruited into the Alliance.

Hell, even he had a haircut of that style and he hated it. Thankfully, officers were allowed to grow their hair out, so long as it stayed short and out of the face.

The way the man's face was made, however, made the military-style hair look sexy on him.

His cheekbones sat rather high, giving the Commander a noble appearance, despite the five o'clock shadow.

Even his stubble seemed to accentuate his regal features. What caught the biotic's attention the most was the eyes-sharp, cerulean orbs that seemed to pierce right through you.

"Something amiss, Lt?"

Kaidan almost jumped and he had the decency to _not_ blush at the question. God, he was caught oogling at his superior officer like a high schooler.

"No, sir," he managed to say quickly, hoping to recover his composure. "Here for the assignment."

The Commander nodded but with the way those eyes stared at him a little bit longer than necessary told Kaidan that he didn't entirely believe in him.

In fact, it looked like he was going to prod him with more questions when there was a soft sound, of a door opening, and the superior officer of the both of them strode into the room quickly.

"Captain Anderson, sir," they greeted the newcomer at the same time and saluted him.

The perfect unison prompted a raised eyebrow from the tall, dark-skinned Captain. T

hankfully, he didn't comment on it. Instead, he went straight into business, the usual for an Alliance CO.

The Captain was dressed impeccably in his Alliance uniform. The main dark blue theme nicely contrasted with the gold accents and it suited his dark skin well.

Kaidan would have said the same for the Commander if the latter was dressed similarly.

He wasn't though and the biotic soldier couldn't help but appreciate the way the armor 'clung' to the man's frame.

Black was definitely a good colour on him and again, Kaidan found himself staring at the Commander for far longer than what was proper.

"Nihlus will be right back. He had to answer a call from the Council." Anderson's deep voice interrupted his musings and Kaidan attempted to not jerk out of his thoughts, at least not enough to cause the Captain to ask a question in which he couldn't truthfully answer.

"We'll get the mission done," the Commander stated confidently. He stood with his hands behind his back, in typical Alliance Marine fashion: back straight, head held high, and with eyes forward. There was one thing Kaidan had noticed and it was the N7 emblem located on the upper left shoulder.

So, the Commander wasn't just an Alliance Marine. He was also a member of the N7 squad, a group of elite operatives of the Alliance. The best of the best.

"You all know the objectives," Anderson told them in a perfunctory manner. "Top priority is securing the beacon; survivors are secondary."

Kaidan disliked how human lives were always _secondary_ objectives to their missions. It was as if they weren't important.

Sometimes he wondered how he would feel if he was a civilian and some spectre walked up to them, saying this mission wasn't a rescue mission at all. Just a 'get-it done' kind.

"We'll achieve both objectives, sir!" The enthusiasm behind that proclamation made Kaidan smile on the inside.

Of course, he shouldn't have been surprised by it. The Commander did everything he could to ensure the survival of his squad mates and find survivors as well.

As they are all walked off the descending platform of the cargo bay, Kaidan knew with certainty that whatever this, he would make it out alive.

-TBC-


	4. Trouble on Paradise Part II

**Trouble on Paradise Part II**

John Shepard thought there was something _different_ with the Staff Lt he was patrolling with. His biotics reacted rather strangely whenever in close proximity to the other soldier. It was a tingling sensation, not unpleasant either. Usually, he hated being near people just due to his biotics flaring wildly around them, making them both uncomfortable. Even the other soldier, on his left, was walking at a respectable distance. What was his name? Jenkins?

He couldn't muse on his thoughts for long as he thought he heard something. The path ahead of them was empty but something could be hiding behind the rocks and bushes that lined along the way. The corporal seemed ready for action, given his enthusiastic responses to his questions on the ship. That would make his judgement and reflexes too quick or too slow for an appropriate action. Thus, he ordered the pair to stop behind the two boulders that guarded the upward path. They crouched behind them, guns cocked and ready.

With a nod to the Lt, he slowly walked forward, his pistol out in front of him. A soft humming sound could be heard and it was the only warning he had before two drones came into his line of vision. He charged right at them, knowing that staying in one place was dangerous. The barrier around sizzled for a bit as his biotic field burned around him and the drones.

His action prompted the two soldiers to fire at them while he held the drones' attention for a while. The tactic worked and right when his shields went down, the drones exploded. Thankfully, they were a few feet away from him and the blasts only did minor damage to his body, mitigated by the armor he was wearing.

"Commander!" Someone shouted after him and he turned to find the Lt. running up to him, his face flushed slightly from the combat. Jenkins, on the other hand, was quite pale and his hands trembled, causing the gun he held to shake dangerously.

"I'm ok," John said, brushing off the concern of Kaidan. "Corporal, stay focused. I can't have a traumatized squad member on my team."

The statement was told in a harsher tone than he intended but it got the same result. Jenkins numbly nodded and his hands stopped shaking. His face was still pale but his eyes became more focused and John gave him a nod, showing his approval of Jenkins' return to the situation.

"Those were drones, sir! What are they doing on Eden Prime?" Jenkins exclaimed loudly and John groaned in exasperation. If there were any other enemies patrolling the area, they would know just where to find the intruders. Perhaps he should have left the corporal on the ship. At least the Lt. kept quiet in enemy territory. As if reading his mind, Kaidan elbowed the Irish soldier in the ribs. "Ow! Oh, sorry."

His face reddened in embarrassment and he managed to appear contrite at his unobtrusive loudness.

"Never mind that Corporal, Just stay quiet and stay focused," was all John had to say before moving out. If the enemy didn't know of their patrol, they do now.

-o0o-

The trio managed to move out further along their path, frequently bumping into geth patrols but luck was on their side still. They hadn't lost anyone yet and Shepard intended to keep it that way.

Along the way, they encountered a variety of survivors, from criminals to marines who protected the doctor and her insane assistant. However, they couldn't find Nihlus and it greatly concerned the leading Commander. Something tickled at the back of his mind, egging him to go west instead of east of the last campsite they discovered. He had never went against his instincts, which saved his ass lots of times, the predominant event being that of Akuze. He still experienced horrific images of that terrible incident, of men being swallowed whole or in pieces.

Seeing at how well the survivors responded to Jenkins, one of them being a former neighbor to his parents, Shepard opted to leave Jenkins behind, for added protection. This time, Jenkins didn't object. Instead, he merely saluted and said 'Yes, sir!" in a very enthusiastic tone. The exuberance of the Corporal made Shepard smile on the inside, although his face stayed stoic as ever. He didn't want to get too emotional with his squad members, too afraid of losing them to circumstances beyond his control.

He took Kaidan with him and several minutes later, he was very glad to have left Jenkins behind in safety. A few feet ahead of him was a large group of the geth. Damn, how were they going to taken them down without getting injuries? He did have his biotic charge which could briefly protect him but it wouldn't hold out against a vicious and continuous barrage of plasma bullets. He was about to signal Kaidan to slowly move out when something caught his eye at his perphiery. A dark shadow and then Shepard knew exactly why Spectres were so feared.

The shadow flitted across his field of vision, leaving several exploding mechs behind. It was a domino effect and what few survived the initial blast were shot down immediately.

"Shepard," Nihlus acknowledged him in a typical Turian fashion, by politely nodding his head. He turned to briefly regard the older man standing beside Commander Shepard before raising his gun and shooting at the mech struggling to rise at his feet. Its head flew away, leaving behind a ruined metallic stump.

"I find an unusually large swarm of geth around here to be quite disturbing," the Turian continued. He holstered the weapon behind him and walked towards the pair. "Come on, we've-!"

Nihlus never finished his sentence as a loud _bang!_ Echoed in the area. Blood splattered all over the Commander's armor and the Turian Spectre fell against him, gasping and wheezing as he did so.

"Nihlus!" Shepard cried out and he slowly lowered himself to the ground, taking the badly injured Nihlus with him. Kaidan had already drawn up his barrier, as protection against any future attacks. It was unnecessary, however, for the attacker had seemingly withdrawn himself or herself from the scene. Perhaps the assassin was satisfied with the strong possibility that its target would die soon. Or maybe it wasn't ready to face two prominent Alliance soldiers.

"Kaidan, do you have any medi-gel on you?" Shepard asked. He had turned the spectre over onto his back and gently pressed his hands against Nihlus' side, prompting a strangled moan from the Spectre. Blue blood welled at an alarming fast rate and it covered his gloves. "Nihlus, don't fucking give up on me. I've never had anyone die on me as of yet and you will not be the first!"

While Shepard spoke to Nihlus, the biotic soldier was already applying the medi-gel and Nihlus exhaled a relieved sigh. The Spectre became limp in Shepard's lap but Kaidan reassured the Commander of the Spectre's status.

"He's alive, Commander. We should get him to a hospital but-"

"But nothing, Lt. I'll drag his ass if I have to," Shepard rebutted and Kaidan watched as his Commander almost effortlessly lifted the Turian Specture and draped him over his left shoulder. The N7 operative grunted underneath the added weight but he managed to gain his balance.

"We'll take him to the doctor and have her watch him while we scout on ahead," was all Shepard said before moving out in the direction of where they originally came from. The two men truly hoped that the assailant wouldn't attack them now when they were burdened with an almost dead Turian.

-TBC-


	5. Trouble on Paradise III

**Trouble on Paradise Part III**

"Nihlus! What happened to him?" Jenkins shouted out, but this time in a hoarse whisper instead of the usual obnoxious shout like before. The Corporal helped lay the unconscious Turian on the ground and one of the doctors was already at his side, examining him with her omni-tool.

"Commander, we've no experience working with Turian physiology," she finally said after her examination. "However, Turians are known for their resilience. He'll live, just be in great pain."

"Thanks," Shepard said and Kaidan noticed that the Commander appeared a lot less stressful now. His eyes still showed hints of concern but his body relaxed and the lines on his forehead disappeared. As if noticing him, his eyes glanced at him quickly, as if assessing the Staff Lt for any injuries as well.

Kaidan had heard remarkable tales of this man. John Shepard lost his entire squad on Akuze early in his military career and then turned out to be a huge war hero at the Skyllian Blitz. Being a vanguard had to involve up close and personal combat. Thus, John must have been a sight to see in intense combat and Kaidan was just now seeing him in action. However, unlike those who witnessed the Commander's fighting prowess, the biotic soldier felt as if he saw seeing something else besides the reputation. He was seeing the man, the one who was human and cared for his teammates. He saw all that in just a few seconds of making eye contact.

Those brilliant eyes sharpened their focus then before turning away to regard the doctor. "Keep him safe, doctor." The vanguard said before standing up from his kneeling position. He made a motion with his head to Kaidan to fall in behind him and Kaidan found himself naturally following his Commander's lead.

A large amount of time was spent in finding and retrieving the injured spectre. So, the two Alliance Marines had to pick up the pace quite a bit, hoping to get to the beacon before anyone else does.

The pair managed to stumble into another geth patrol and they picked up yet another person, this time a total stranger.

The stranger turned out to be the one in the vid. Also, it was hard to miss the white and pink armor the soldier was wearing. She was on the run from two Geth soldiers and had tripped on a random piece of debris when they found her. The Geth on the left had just barely aimed at the fallen soldier when its head exploded, violently, and another was thrown off its feet only to collide with the boulder to the left of it.

The soldier scrambled to her feet hastily, her gun ready to point and shoot at them. Of course, the two men couldn't blame her for that. Being surrounded by enemies tends to bring out the survivalist instincts out.

Once she realized who they were, she lowered her weapon and sighed in relief. "Thank God, you're here!"

"What's happened?" John was straight to business first and then ask personal questions later. That was another thing Kaidan noticed. Unless he knew the person personally, the vanguard was very professional. Perhaps too professional.

Once they were informed of the increased Geth patrols, the trio then hastened to the beacon, meeting some very interesting people along the way. A bunch of mercs were hiding out, probably looting the dead, and the biotic soldier knew that John really wanted to kill them. He himself found this to be offensive but they could only do so much to stop these types of criminals.

They finally found the structure up on a metallic platform and Kaidan couldn't believe his eyes.

"An actual Prothean device!" Ashely exclaimed. "But it wasn't acting like this before!"

The strange structure was emanating a green light and Kaidan, curious as to why that was, stepped closer. He heard the Commander talking to the Normandy over the comm line and then to Ashley afterwards. Whatever they were saying, however, was almost defeaned, as if the beacon was putting out a signal blocker to his auditory senses. He ignored the warning signs in his head, that this apparatus could be dangerous. As he got closer to it, the green light suddenly brightened and it started to pull him forward, towards it.

He tried to pull back but the gravitational force was just too strong. Great. He should have listened to his instincts and not even have glanced at the thing. Suddenly, something heavy crashed into him. His vision blurred and the world shifted, causing nausea to well in his system.

The force of being thrown made him land hard on the metallic plates and someone called out his name.

"Kaidan!"

Another body knelt right next to him, but this time, the presence was quiet and feminine. His head hurt badly, almost as bad as his implant-induced migraines, and the voice sounded muffled, despite the person's juxtaposition. There was a roaring sound and it prompted him to look up.

His Commander was trying to resist but failed and it was quite eerie to see his leader being lifted up in the air. It was as if he was bound by a force field. His arms and legs were unnaturally rigid and while Kaidan couldn't see the contorted features, he felt Shepard scream loudly before the structure exploded violently, throwing him back.

A moment of silence and then he ran to the supine figure. Shaky hands rolled the squad leader gently on his back.

"Shepard? Shepard?" He shouted, but his voice was hoarse.

The Commander's face lolled to the side, his eyes closed and mouth parted. The only sound he made was a soft moan and Kaidan knew he was alive. Hurt but alive at least. For some odd reason, his heart twisted painfully at the thought of this man dying on him. He wanted to see those blue eyes again.

"Gunnery Sergeant to Normandy. Shepard's down and we need extraction now!" Ashely's voice rang loudly in his ears and Kaidan really hoped that there were no enemies in their vicinity. If so and with Shepard down for the count, the two of them would be hard-pressed for survival.

"Damn, the Commander's down already?" Kaidan, despite the situation, couldn't help but let out a small laugh. Of course, Joker would think that. He didn't have to be down here, fighting those atrocious machines. "Probably that bad huh?" That was the pilot's only saving grace.

"The Geth putting people on spikes…yeah, it was that fucking bad," Ashely spat back angrily and Kaidan couldn't really blame her for her attitude. The female Gunnery Sergeant just watched her whole squad die, something Shepard could probably relate to. "Just get us out of here!"

"ETA five minutes. Joker out."

She sighed heavily and turned her gaze towards the kneeling biotic soldier. "So, what's your story?"

"Alliance soldier for a few years. Nothing special." Kaidan replied rather quickly, his eyes still locked unto Shepard's still form.

"Huh. Your biotic skills say otherwise," Ashley pointed out. An awkward silence rose between them and Kaidan was very thankful at the sight of an approaching ship. Since it wasn't shooting at them, it could only be the Normandy. _Thank God._

The Normandy drifted in slowly and the panel opened, revealing the cargo bay and someone waiting at the top of it. It was Dr. Chakwas herself and the willowy doctor literally ran to them, a very concerned look distorting her motherly features.

"John!" She cried out and then, realizing that there was a stranger with them, put on her best professional look. The doctor knelt at John's side and immediately brought out her omni-tool. The orange tech software displayed John's vitals and she frowned, obviously not liking what she was seeing.

"Doctor? Is he ok?" Kaidan asked her. His hands were still on the Commander's chest though he didn't know why and a strange thing occurred. A blue flicker and a slight hum of power as the biotics flared around both Kaidan and the Commander, causing John to softly moan in unconsciousness.

"He's hurt. Can you two carry him to the Medbay? I will keep an eye on his vitals." Her sharp tone brooked no argument from them, making the request more like a demand. The pair did what she was asked. They carried John between them and it was a miracle they even managed to lift him up let alone carry him into the ship. With the added armor, their Commander was a heavyweight and sometimes Ashley stumbled, almost dropping the man.

Eventually, they managed to stumble into Medbay and Doctor Chakwas practically kicked Ashley out, but leaving Kaidan behind. If the female soldier had any qualms about it, she kept them to herself, possibly not wanting to push her luck with a superior officer.

"Place your hands on him again, Kaidan," the doctor ordered him and the biotic soldier did so. Again, the biotics flared into being and it covered the both of them. She analyzed the Commander's vitals again and took notes on it.

"What happened down there?" She asked, her attention still glued to the vitals display. Kaidan took his hands off. "No, keep them on him. I want to know why his biotic field is suddenly so stable."

"Is something wrong with his biotics, Dr?" Kaidan had to ask. His curiosity earned him a strange glare from her. Those gray eyes, experienced and wise, made him feel sheepish at his question.

"No. I've known Shepard since he first enlisted. His biotics are usually unstable when he's around people, but now…" Her sentence trailed off and the doctor seemed lost in her thoughts. She murmured to herself on occasions, completely ignoring Kaidan. Finally, after twenty minutes of analysis or whatever she was doing, she put aside her omni-tool and asked the same question again.

It wasn't until several moments later that Kaidan found himself sitting at the Commander's side, his face leaning on his hands as he stared at the figure lying on a table. Gentle beepings echoed in the Medbay and it gave both Kaidan and the doctor some relief that the Commander was still alive. Another monitor was set up next to him and it displayed several brainwaves. The biotic soldier stood sentinel over the sleeping man and soft mumbling could be heard. Seeing as how the doctor was on break and left Kaidan in charge, the mutterings could only be from Shepard himself.

He could discern some words, names of someone or a group of people. Ryan, James and Paul. Could they be his deceased squad members on Akuze? Then, his own name came up and Shepard rolled over, his brows furrowing as if the man was in pain. Kaidan placed his hand on the man's shoulder, trying to comfort him the best he could without being too intrusive. At his touch, Shepard calmed down and the quickening heart beeps slowed down. Perhaps, the Commander found his presence calming and Kaidan stayed at his side for the rest of the night.

-TBC-

A/N: Please review! It lets me know that there are some people who at least remotely interested in this story. If you've come this far, why not?  
Thanks again! :D


	6. Abyss of Dreams

**Abyss of Dreams**

"_You're meant for greatness, John Shepard," a shadow whispered. "It is why you survived Earth and Akuze."_

"_Your parents would have been proud...they never abandoned you…" A female voice this time. Kind and soothing. A soothing caress on his forehead followed by a soft kiss._

"_Promise me, Shepard…promise that you'll never look back…that you'll move forward…" A strong masculine voice pleaded with him. A bloodied hand cupped his cheek and John found himself staring into a youthful face, of someone who died under his command. "Akuze…it wasn't your fault…" A screeching roar and soon something enveloped that fair face, leaving behind only a headless stump._

The coldness lying beneath him served as an anchor to reality and John could tell that he was in the Medbay from the antiseptic smell. Someone mumbled something nearby and a feminine voice answered in turn. His head hurt like hell, as if someone had taken a hammer to his skull and started beating on it. He slowly sat up and placed his head in his hand, his fingers making circling gestures on the side of his temple. The caresses soothed his headache if only slightly and with the majority of the pain gone, he was finally able to open his eyes.

Standing before him was his personal doctor, the one who had been with him ever since he first enlisted in the Alliance. The silver-haired doctor, despite the colour of her hair, was only forty years old and quite sprightly for someone of her generation and profession. Medical doctors were more renowned for their lack of physical prowess than for their medical expertise. Lucky for those of that field, starships provided sturdy protection and allowed their low athletic skills to be a moot point, almost.

"You had us worried there, Commander," she stated in a neutral tone and John tried to smile at her poor cover-up of showing her true concern for him. Well, it was a poor cover-up by his standards. To the older man that stood patiently at his berth, it worked for he uncrossed his arms and asked if John was alright.

"Yeah, just a headache the size of LA," the Commander groaned and it was true. His headache was getting bigger by the second until his eyes burned and felt itchy all at the same time. How could _that_ be possible?

Karin Chakwas, bless her heart, knew all the quirks of the Commander and before he could protest, gave him an injection of painkillers, the non-drowsy kind. It helped clear away the lingering cobwebs of his unconscious state as well as dull the intensity of the itchiness. Once he could think clearly again, he managed to get up into a sitting position, with his legs dangling off the bed.

"Better now, Commander?" The question was soft and full of motherly concern. Her green eyes gazed steadily at him, already taking in his current condition and John could tell that she was mentally recording his rather sedated condition.

John nodded numbly and he spent the next few moments catching up on what happened. Kaidan mentioned something about the beacon and the way he said it made the vanguard think that something else happened, something both Kaidan and the doctor had witnessed but didn't want to tell him. Secrets never stayed secret for long but John learned that forcing them out had rather drastic consequences. He learned that the hard way while being in the Tenth Street Reds gang on Earth. Thus, he left it alone, figuring that either Dr. Chakwas or Kaidan would slip-up sooner or later.

Before he could ask Kaidan on what happened to the beacon, Captain Anderson walked in unannounced and Kaidan immediately snapped to attention. Oh right, he forgot about the biotic soldier being a 'by-the-book' kind of guy. Great, now he had to contend with a military poster boy.

"Shepard, we need to talk," Captain Anderson's eyes quickly glanced at Kaidan before snapping back to his. "In private."

"I'll be in the mess if you need anything," was the simple reply from the dark-haired Lt. To whom he was talking to, John wasn't sure. He merely watched the Lt leave, not at all missing how one hand came up to one side of the temple, as if he was experiencing a migraine.

Once the Lt was out of earshot, Captain Anderson started the conversation by asking how he was. John never understood why the Captain had taken an immediate liking to him. It was the same with Admiral Hackett. The two highest-ranking officers shouldn't have even bothered to glance his way, especially after that mess in Akuze. The Elysium standoff that occurred six months later might have helped him garner attention from the higher-ranking officials in the Alliance. However, his poor criminal record should have nullified any prospects of using John as their poster-boy. In fact, it should have discouraged any kind of attention and John half-expected to stay in military obscurity well into his early thirties or forties.

Perhaps they were hiding something from him too.

"Shepard, did you get anything from that beacon? If you did, we may have to relay that information to the Council. Nihlus is still recovering so he may help us in uncovering the mystery behind the geth presence on Eden Prime."

"Nihlus? Where is he, sir?" John asked. He didn't remember taking Nihlus with them and he was the only one occupying a medical bed. Did they leave him at the colony then?

"Nihlus was retrieved shortly after you were admitted into Medbay. Doctor Chakwas had her hands full in taking care of the both of you," Anderson continued, his hands going behind his back. " Turians are known for their resilence, so right before you woke up, he left already and reported to the Council."

"Does he know who shot him?" John asked the dark-skinner Captain. Brown eyes looked thoughtfully at the medi-gel dispenser across his way and John knew that Cpt. Anderson was musing over something.

"Actually, he does. The bullet was lodged in his armor and he told me only one Turian ever used that kind of bullet."

"Turian? He _knew_ the assassin?" John's hands came to rest at his side and the Commander straightened up, no longer leaning against the bed.

"Yes and it was why he immediately reported to the Council instead of waiting for you. He wants to meet with you at the comms room again. Said he had something personal to discuss with you. When you're done, report to Joker on the bridge."

There was a finality to the tone Captain Anderson used and the Commander saluted him, to which he responded by chuckling at the ever respectful Commander. "Commander, I'll see you later."

"Yes, sir."

John watched the Captain exit the Medbay and he opted to leave the Medbay before Dr. Chakwas could stick any needles in him, again.

The lights in the Mess were dimmer than the ones in Medbay and John's eyes had to adjust between the difference in the intensity of the ambient lights. Standing by the wall of the Mess area was the female soldier he and Kaidan rescued on Eden Prime. Her arms were crossed underneath her chest and, with her head bowed down slightly, it appeared to the Commander that she was lost in thought about something. Probably thinking over what happened to her unit.

As he accosted her, however, she immediately uncrossed her arms to form a salute.

"At ease, soldier," John replied.

"Sir." Her green eyes gazed hard at him, perhaps a silent accusation that he didn't arrive in time to help her entire squad. "I'm glad you're ok."

Ashley was quite attractive to John's eyes. Her dark brown hair and sun-kissed skin brought out the light green colour of her eyes. Her strong jaw and the way she carried herself told John that this was a woman who knew how to take care of herself. In a way, the newcomer reminded him of his former Captain back in the N7 squad. Captain Rika, a then thirty-something year old soldier, who made grown men cry in their sleeps. She was harsh on her troops and John was her favourite punching bag in sparring. However, everyone in her squad managed to get an N7 medal after going through her regimen and when things got tough, the Alliance most frequently selected her group to perform high-risk operations.

She, thankfully, was not in his unit on Akuze but stationed at Acturus Station, working now as a personal bodyguard to none other than Admiral Hackett.

The name of Akuze brought up some bad memories and even now, the nightmare of his vision didn't even come close to that of his squadmates dying and being torn to pieces by that thing. That threshew Maw.

John didn't remember anything in detail of that horrific incident. He just remembered gunfire, screaming, and the heavy scent of blood filling the air. There was a kind face, the one that looked similar to his Captain of his actual N7 squad in that sector. Now, now, there was no one left but him.

When Ashley's eyes turned misty at discussing how it wasn't easy to lose friends but even more challenging to see your whole unit die, he understood where she came from and just placed a strong hand on her shoulder. Saying sorry wasn't going to cut it. He knew that personally. Instead, he just squeezed her shoulder and gave her a sad smile.

Of course, she didn't know his background. Her reaction, thus, surprised him when she looked very shocked and her face paled so quickly, he thought she was going to faint. "Sorry, Commander. Jenkins mentioned something about what happened on Akuze.

"It's ok," John replied and he smiled to reassure Ashley that she hadn't done anything wrong. It was a fake one, but no one ever called on it.

Like all the others, she took it for what it was and her shoulders slumped with relief. "Thank you, sir."

There was an awkward silence and John's biotics flared angrily around him, making her feel anxious and somewhat uncomfortable in his presence.

He stepped further back and inwardly sighed at how that small distance between them allowed his biotics to settle, sort of. Damn, he really needed to get this checked again or controlled, something.

His unstable biotics had always been a nuisance, especially when he tried hitting on the ladies. Everytime a pretty girl was interested in him, she would go up to him and then promptly leave, using the excuse of 'I have a headache' or 'I need to run an errand.' At first he bought it a couple of times. As he grew older was a whole other story. Sexy twenty-something year olds would look at him with hunger in their eyes and avoid him in the same minute. Hell, he got hit on by a couple of guys, even from his own teammates, and he politely refused their offers, no matter how tempting they were.

Being out on a distant planet and fighting a strong enemy limited his options of finding a willing female. When the need was strong enough, he merely favoured his right hand. A lot.

"I better go," John said in a neutral tone and Ashley straightened, saluting him as he turned to leave. He was well aware of her eyes staring into the back of his head as he approached the Staff Lt and as he conversed with the dark-haired man, he thought her green eyes couldn't get any greener. He was wrong.

-TBC-

A/N: I was going to continue but it felt right to stop the chapter there. I love all the feedback and I've read every single one of them. When I use an idea, I'll defn credit it to the reviewer. Thanks again and as always, review!


	7. Two Spectres Are Better Than One

**Two Spectres Are Better Than One**

The Citadel was truly a remarkable structural masterpiece. The seamless bulkheads ran smoothly along the edges of the enormous station that was the meeting place of all races, whether it be for trade or for Council business. However, it wasn't the magnificence of the Citadel that caught everyone's attention.

Kaidan's eyes widened even more at the enormous flagship that guarded the Citadel.

"The Destiny Ascension," He whispered softly in awe. He wasn't the only one staring at the enormous ship. Both Ashley and the CO were oogling at the sight of the Asari-manufactured ship. When Ashley made a comment on how easily its missiles could bypass kinetic barriers of any Alliance freighters and perhaps dreadnoughts, Kaidan had to say something.

"At least it's on our side,"

"Yeah, we'd be toasted if not," Ashley snorted, her dislike of aliens having superior firepower clearly showing in her tone. The Commander, for his part, gave the female soldier a hard look and she kept her mouth shut.

The awkward tension between the Commander and the Gunnery Sergeant was thankfully broken by Joker asking the Citadel Controls for permission to dock.

"Alright, I need you and Lt Alenko to gear up and meet up at the airlock in ten minutes. Don't want to keep Anderson waiting."

The Commander still looked a little bit pale or perhaps it was just the trick of the light.

As Kaidan found out later, it wasn't just the trick of the light and even in the dimness of the Council Tower, the Commander's face seemed even paler. Could he still be feeling the effects of that beacon? Or maybe it was just simply the stress of what he had to do. Expose Saren and then that had a whole list of prerequisites to satisfy.

Even Ashely seemed to be a little concerned about their CO. If John had noticed the way they stole glances at him, how warily they observed the surroundings, he made no comment on it. While the minor search and retrieve missions were something to remember, most particular the rescue mission with a redhead doctor, one memory came to the forefront: the overview of the station.

It was Commander Shepard who first stopped at the edge of the balcony they were walking on. The glaring neon lights hurt his eyes but seeing his CO smile at the sights made his headache almost go away. Apparently, Kaidan was so taken with the sight, and not just of the immense buildings that were laid bare for their viewing pleasure, that he let slip out a comment about how the denizens of the Citadel would love him, especially him.

As soon as the words slipped out of his mouth, his face grew hot and he knew he was blushing or looking flustered at least by the way Ashley smirked at him, but in a teasing way. He felt even more embarrassed when the CO suggested that they turn their thoughts back to their duty. Yet, even as the CO began to walk away from them, he espied a small tug at the corner of those lips. Was it a smile of approval for his comment? Or one derived from amusement?

The answer to his question wouldn't come for a long time, at least not until they found a quarian named Tali, and, of all people, a Krogan battlemaster.

-o0o-

"If what you say is true, Spectre Nihlus, then Saren has indeed gone rogue. The report, along with the vids recording Eden Prime's invasion, proves it." The Asari councilor, Councilor Tevos, stated in a neutral tone. The other councilors nodded in agreement, even the Turian Councilor. However, he stared hard at the Commander and even Nihlus could see the resentment Sparatus had for the human Commander standing beside him.

"Also, we would need two Spectres to handle Saren as he is, _was_ our best operative in Council space." Councilor Tevos continued and Sparatus strongly objected to it.

"The humans aren't ready for that responsibility! It is too soon!" The legendary control of the great former Turian General was breaking. His fringers almost bristled outwards, a visible sign of being flustered and annoyed.

"Sir, I believe he's ready for this. If it would set your minds at ease, I can personally accompany him on his missions." Nihlus suggested amenably, standing straight and holding his hands behind his back.

"No-" Sparatus began to deny his fellow Turian the offer but the human Commander, tired of being talked about when he was standing right there, interrupted them in a direct but polite way.

"Look, two Spectres are better than one when chasing down someone like Saren. Besides, the bastard owes me a life and more."

There was an almost audible groan from an older gentleman, gray-haired and with a crooked nose.

"While true, it is best if Nihlus stays out of this one, given the history between him and Saren," the Salarian Councilor said.

"History?" John gazed back at the still healing Nihlus. "Then, all the more reason for him to join us. He'll know Saren's tactics and habits better than anyone else here in this room. It was _he_ who identified the bullet that almost killed him."

Whoever said that Turians weren't expressionless or even emotionless discovered that it was untrue. Nihlus' eyes cast downward for a brief moment and even the fringes that swept back from his head quivered. His three fingered hand clutched at his side, where the bullet had penetrated him and almost killed him.

It was perhaps wrong of the Commander to bring that up, but he was right and that fact alone convinced the three Councilors to agree with John.

"Commander Shepard, please step forward..."

-TBC-

A/N: Big thanks to everyone who reviewed! Since reviewing only takes a few seconds, please do! :D

Also, I love feedback and hearing ideas from my fellow readers. So if you've any ideas, suggestions, feel free to leave a note.

Thanks!

Additionally, I will start updating my other stories, most notably TLA (Transformers) and WOH (DragonAge) fics. So be on the lookout for those!


	8. You're What?

**You're What?**

"So, what's your history with this Saren?" the Comander asked of Saren as soon as they boarded the Normandy, the Admiral's ship. No, now it was his ship that followed _his_ orders instead of Nihlus, who ranked higher than him in the Spectres. However, both the Council and Admiral Anderson made it clear to the Turian Spectre that while he may be training this Commander Shepard, the Normandy and its crew were under the orders of Commander Shepard alone. It was to avoid any conflict of interests and perhaps to ease the concerns of the Normandy's human crew.

"While I may be training you, Commander," Nihlus stated in a very neutral tone, "it does not mean we are immediate friends."

The words were harsh and the human's eyes darkened. The Turian spectre was taken aback by the subtle change of attitude and he found himself feeling like a prey caught in its predator's view. He _never_ felt like this before, this feeling of intimidation that was brought about without words. In fact, usually he was the one to intimidate, to threaten his enemies into submission for the mission's sake.

"If that's how you feel," the new initiate replied and he walked away, his shoulder lightly brushing against a shoulder guard.

Nihlus sighed. He really had to get a reference datapad of human mannerisms. He didn't need it to tell him that if he didn't say something akin to an apology, he would lose any support of the new CO and that loss would make their mission even harder to complete with the distrust between him and the human Commander.

"Commander," he called out to the retreating CO. Shepard turned his head to regard the Turian and Nihlus saw a light of understanding in those curious blue eyes. "I will tell you, but not now...not when..."

He trailed off and hoped that Commander Shepard wouldn't prod him on to continue.

"Good to know," was the only reply and the human CO kept walking towards the back of the ship before finally disappearing behind the gray metallic panel.

The silence left in the Commander's wake was discomforting to Nihlus and the Turian Spectre had a feeling that he would have to work hard to gain the trust of his current allies. Lucky for him, he completed every mission on his own terms and gaining the Normandy crew's trust would not bar him from finding Saren.

-o0o-

_Shepard...not your fault..._

"_What the fuck was that?"_

_A hoarse voice shouted out in the dark. He couldn't see anything. Only the sounds of men being torn to pieces, the screaming of horror and thunder rumbling in the background. It felt as if the ground was shaking and then his whole world shifted. The earth became the heavens as he flew into the air, weightless and seemingly immune to all the danger that passed beneath him._

_A blonde youth was holding unto to his hand but that was impossible. Humans couldn't fly..._

"_Shep...stop blaming yourself," the younger man whispered to him brokenly, even as he was engulfed in rows of teeth that rendered his flesh as easily as if the human body was a piece of paper, a centuries-old relic._

"_Shepard!"_

John startled awake and he bolted straight up in his cot. Beads of sweat ran down his temples and the cabin was filled with his breathless gasps as he tried to sort out his dream from the reality.

"Commander, Nihlus wants to see you, sir," the pilot said over the comm system. There was a momentary pause and John was about to ask for the purpose of this meeting when the pilot continued. "It's about Saren."

"Shit," John cursed softly. He really didn't want to discuss that right now. "Alright, tell him I'm on my way."

"Yes, sir." The line went dead and the quietness gave John some peace. The thrumm of the Normandy's mass effect fields was still present but he was so used to it that it became background noise.

The only bad thing about being so advanced is the complexity of their clothing. The top shirt had multiple buckles and buttons that it drove him almost insane with having to spend at least ten minutes just to don his shirt. The pants were a little bit easier but it still took him a few minutes to do the buckles and snap the pants on.

When finally dressed, he headed out to meet the Turian. He truly hadn't expected to be called upon so quickly by his fellow Spectre. Given the circumstances, however, time was a luxury in their case and any second wasted would be a second gained for Saren to achieve his goals, whatever those may be.

Nihlus was found standing in the Communications room, staring at the screen that showed the silhouette of an unknown planet.

At the sound of the door hissing open, the Spectre turned his attention to him and John saw something swimming in those dark green eyes. He had never seen a Turian cry, their military upbringing forced all emotions to recede in the dangers of combat. Nihlu wasn't crying, in human terms, but John noticed that Nihlus was indeed very upset about something. Of course, having been shoot in the back by a fellow Specture would upset John too.

"As we will be working on missions together," Nihlus began in slow, measured tones. "You need to know something. It's bound to come around to you sooner or later."

"I know he was your trainer," John interrupted him but the Turian didn't seem surprised by John's resourcefulness. In fact, he expected it, especially with his new status as a Specture, unbarred from any hidden governmental information logs and archives.

"No, he...wasn't just that. He and I were bonded at one point."

"What?"

"I said-"

"No, I heard what you said, Nihlus. It's a common phrase used by humans when they expressing disbelief about something they just heard." John explained patiently to the Spectre. Opening up like this, especially to a _human_, had to be extremely difficult for Nihlus and John respected that.

"Oh, then, you must know that while I may know of his habits and strategies, he will know mine better."

"Yeah, I figured that much as well," John sighed heavily, bringing up a hand to rub one side of his temple. God, they haven't even started on their path to Saren's downfall and already he was getting a headache.

"Be that as it may, it is certainly better if you take full control of the missions. I will accompany you to other planets and give you additional Spectre training, but the decisions you will make will _not_ have my influence."

The way Nihlus spoke ingratiated John, who was used to the hard, direct ways of saying what's on your mind. It was the Turian way, he knew that, but it still bothered him. All this formality and crap.

"Alright, Nihlus," John quickly said, hoping to stave off another long, formal explanation from the Turian. "We'll start with rescuing Dr. T'Soni. With her expertise on the Protheans, we should be able to track down Saren more quickly than without her."

Right, it sounded much easier than it would be. But for everyone else's sake, John had to appear as the strong, decisive leader who made his decisions with confidence and without looking back. Nihlus was the first to hear the command in his voice and relief swept through John's being when the Turian relaxed, perhaps glad that the chain of command wasn't muddied with his presence. At least, not yet anyways.

-TBC-

A/N: I've noticed a sharp decrease in the reviews from chapter 5 to chapter 6. Considering that Kaidan/Mshep is finally canon, I just know know that there a lot of ecstatic fangirls out there (I'm one of them!). So please, give a shoutout for this awesome couple and any encouraging words for this story! :D

On a side note, to all those who reviewed my story at one point in time as well as placed this story in their favs/alerts lists, you guys are my favs! :D


	9. The Geth and The Who?

**Chapter 9: The Geth and the Who?**

"Wow, this is not what I was expecting," John said in a sarcastic tone as he and his crew stood in the. as he stood in front of the blue field. The vanguard expected the tiresome trip to even get here. The multiple geth firing constantly at him and his crew. Hell, even the random code he had Kaidan unlock to even come down into the lower levels of whatever piss of a planet they were on was expected.

The object of his current fascination was levitating briefly before falling clumsily to the silver tiles of the elevator he and his group were in. She hastily got up, thanking them for releasing her from her Prothean prison.

However, that was not what the Commander was talking about it. He was referring to the strange partnership of the Krogan battlemaster and his geth entourage.

"It doesn't matter what you're expecting," the Krogan growled, "only that you hand over the Asari to us."

He made a motion with his hand and the geth fanned out along side him, their plasma rifles aimed fixedly at the strange human leader rather than his comrades. It was a fatal mistake and before the Krogan could do anything, half of his geth subordinates were frozen in their tracks.

"Kill the humans but leave the Asari alive!" The Krogan shouted out to those who could move.

The next few minutes were a blur to John, quite literally. As he charged at his enemies, time slowed for him and he was able to quickly assess the situation as it happens. Two geth on his right, three currently frozen in a stasis field that was brought up by both Liara and Kaidan. Somehow, even in her frightened state, she managed to gather enough courage to fight back.

Kaidan was engaged with the Krogan and he was not doing very well. The Krogen had somehow lifted him off his feet and was about to throw him against the wall with enough force to kill the dark-haired biotic. John knocked the geth on the floor and blasted it open with his shotgun before dashing from his current position to where Kaidan would be flying to.

The force of the throw by the Krogan was formidable and it caused the pair to collide with the steel wall. John took the greater brunt of the collision and it knocked the breath out of him. Stars streaked across his vision and there were muffled voices echoing around him.

"Commander? Commander Shepard?" The voice, normally low and husky, was strained and someone slapped his cheek. "C'me on, Commander..."

John struggled to clear the cobwebs in his mind and he did so successfully, just in time to shove Kaidan down when another blast struck where they used to be. The spot of where their heads used to be was sizzling hot, with the surface burned clean off.

"I'm going to enjoy ripping you apart, human!" The Krogan bellowed as he sent out another biotic blast, this one less dense than its predecessor and Shepard pulled up his barrier to counteract it if albeit briefly. The warp ate through his barrier but before it could do advance to his flesh, it weakened greatly before dissipating harmlessly into heat. Shepard knew it would do that and he was thankful that the Krogan wasn't that skilled in his biotics. Otherwise, the warp would have ate through his barrier in seconds and taken his life in a minute.

"Krogans have high rates of cellular regeneration," someone was shouting and it was the little Asari, who was now cowering behind one of the pillars. The Commander couldn't really blame her for not wanting to partake in the fight. With her lack of experience in brawls like this, he much rather have her stay out of the fight anyways. "To kill them, you need to lift them in the air and then shoot them dead before they land. Otherwise, they'll regenerate again and again."

"How'd she know that?" Another voice cried out, almost in an angry tone. It was Wrex himself and he was laughing maniacally as he shot down geth after geth after geth before finally focusing on his rival Krogan.

"Never mind that, Wrex!" Shepard shouted as he got up again, taking his shotgun in his hand. "Lift him in the air and fucking blast his ass off!"

"Already doing that, Shepard," Wrex replied and true enough, their Krogan adversary was flying helplessly in the air. There were only a few precious seconds before the lifting effect disappears. Both he and Wrex emptied their shotguns as they tried to kill the Krogan before falling. A gurgle sound echoed around them and the Krogan stilled for far too long to be considered faking his death.

"Damn, I gotta tell ya, it's always fun killing idiotic mercs, especially when they ally themselves with the Geth," Wrex's voice rumbled deeply and then there was another rumble, louder and deeper.

"The mine is collapsing unto itself! We need to get out of here!" The Asari told them what they already knew and Shepard touched the side of his head with his index and middle fingers.

"Joker, we need a pick-up at the mine's entrance. Get to it!"

John didn't mean to be terse with the Normandy's pilot but he had to make sure that Joker was going to be there at the designated place. Otherwise, they could all be falling into lava.

"Right, Commander. ETA in five minutes!" Joker's voice was static but they all got the message: get out of there and fast.

"You heard him, people," Shepard said. "We gotta move!"

The next few minutes was spent running for their lives again and it was only by sheer luck that the little bridge they were on even held together long enough for them to run to and on before jumping across to the ship.

John risked a backward glance and his eyes widened when the mine disintegrated into rock and then particles as the yellow lava swallowed everything in its wake. It was coming up faster than he liked and he jumped off the bridge and into someone's arms as the Normandy tilted off to the left side a little bit before rising upwards, out of the lava's reach.

-o0o-

"Shepard," that voice called out to him and he turned up, not surprised to see Kaidan standing at the Medbay door. "I mean, Commander."

"It's alright, Lt," Shepard said. "Ow!" He suddenly flinched and Kaidan couldn't help but chuckle as he was witnessed to a rare sight of the Commander.

Shepard was sitting rather uncomfortably on the bed, his mouth turning into a grimace as Dr. Chakwas gently prodded at his head. The Commander was attired in his casual bdus and the only evidence that their previous mission was a fight for their lives was the fact that John was even in the Medbay. He wouldn't go there of his own choice and it was actually Kaidan who highly suggested that he had his head be tended to by the gray-haired doctor.

It was actually Kaidan who suggested it and the Commander initially refused it, dismissing the concern with a wave. Then, Shepard looked at him with those intense blue eyes that softened afterward, a physical sign of his surrender, before departing the cargo bay in the elevator. That was a few moments ago and Kaidan was pleased to see his CO actually take his advice.

"How can you act like such a child in the Medbay while tearing through enemies and not giving a second thought to taking life out there?" Dr. Chakwas admonished lightly and she gently smacked the CO across the uninjured side of his head.

"And how about you, Lt. Alenko? Have you been experiencing migraines again?"

Before Kaidan could stop her, she was already standing in front of him. He watched her wave her omni-tool across him and it beeped several times before going silent. Her fingers pressed a couple of buttons and it disappeared.

"Your implant is still in good status. No headaches, yes?"

"Yes, ma'am," came the reply. He really didn't want her to say that in front of the CO. While he may know of his limitations, he didn't want anyone else to know them either, especially the CO who was now giving him funny looks.

"Good, now I suggest that you both get some rest, at least for tonight, before you go off gallivanting on another life-threatening mission. I suggest this one to be on a colder planet than its predecessor."

-TBC-

A/N: The Normandy follows the doctor's orders as they travel to the cold Antibaar planet. There, Shepard faces what has been the crux of his nightmares and Kaidan realizes that he may have to be the strong one in this mission.


	10. Into The Valley of Death

**Chapter 10: Into the Valley of Death**

Shepard's eyes widened at the familiar scene unwrapping itself right before his eyes. The perfectly working beacon shining painfully in the near darkness of twilight, that awful smell of rancid corpses, and then finally, the view of unmoving bodies. Something egged him on to move out of there, to get away from this place as soon as he could. His eyes darted around his surroundings. There was a lone structure with its roof caved in as if a giant hand had come crashing down on it. Parked behind the structure was a tank, an M256-model he had seen and driven in himself while in training. It was a new model in fact and was only given out to the best of the Alliance squads. The best, sadly, was no match against a force of nature, and it gave Shepard all the more reason to order his friends back to the MAKO, parked a painful few meters away.

Barely before his command could echo in the empty valley of high, icy mountains and flat land, a bone-curdling shriek ripped through the cold air. The ground literally shook and threw the three of them off balance. Ashley was the first to stumble upright, enough to run as fast as she could back to the MAKO with the only weapon capable of taking out whatever creature was chasing them.

Kaidan was the slowest of them and Shepard watched in horror as his nightmare came true. The horrifying vision of the present collided with that of the past. He saw the thresher maw as clearly as if he was back on Akuze again, with Sergeant Mckinney screaming as he was ripped in half by the creature's tentacles. It gave out a deafening roar and its mouth opened, revealing numerous rows of sharp teeth, arranged in a concentric pattern.

Just as it happened before, the tentacles waved back and forth for several seconds before thrusting outwards and towards its intended target-Kaidan. He hastily pivoted on his right foot and charged at Kaidan without a second thought, hoping that he would be faster than back then. The two men collided with a bone-crushing thud but luckily Kaidan had brought up his barrier on instinct. The dark-haired man's barrier mitigated the damage from his charge and it was the only reason Kaidan was still conscious.

He wrapped his arms around Kaidan's torso and charged in the MAKO's direction. The MAKO's gun made a sharp whistling sound as it began to charge and then a loud boom roared through the air. John literally felt the heat coming from the large round that was now firing into the Thresher Maw's head. The creature emitted a deafening shriek, wounded by the headshot but still alive to discharge its acid spit.

It landed successfully on John's back and legs. Well-known for its fast debilitating affects, it hissed as it attempted to eat away at the fleeing vanguard's armor. John managed to reach the MAKO in time to deposit Kaidan into the vehicle before falling forward, screaming as the acid spit contacted his skin. The pain was excruciating and he stumbled forward, his arms reaching around his back despite his mind telling him not to touch the acid or the wound. But common sense is often brushed aside in the midst of experiencing mind-numbing agony. Oh god, it was happening again...the burns on his back...him being the only one to reach the landing zone...except this time, only three Alliance soldiers would have died, not the fifty men and women he had to befriend with. He sobbed as the vehicle rocked on its wheels and knew that this might the end for him this time. He had thought he buried those memories, the fear of the worm that was the crux of his nightmares.

His two friends were shouting something but it was all unintelligible to his fading consciousness. He tried to hang unto that thread of reality because he knew that neither Ashley nor Kaidan had any experience with a Thresher Maw. He struggled to get up, finding the willpower to somehow sit up halfway and leaning heavily against the side of the MAKO. Hands helped him get his armor off and he felt a lot colder now. He shivered as the cycled air of the MAKO drafted into the small compartment but it brought temporary relief from the burning sensation on his back.

"...Shepard...not...your fault..." Jesus...those were the same exact words that the last survivor told him before dying in a field of blood and serrated teeth. Dark brown eyes gazed at him, so much like that kid but not at the same time. "John..."

No one had ever said his first name, much less in that strange and affectionate tone, and it broke Shepard's first wall of defense that he erected around himself since the Akuze tragedy.

"It's ok...let go...we got this..."

Reassured that his friends were still there, still alive and safe in their vehicle, John tumbled headfirst into the awaiting darkness, knowing that he may never climb out of it this time.

-o0o-

"He's out," Kaidan shouted at Ashley as he saw John's eyes cloud over before finally fluttering closed.

Kaidan focused his biotics, not on stripping away an enemy's defenses this time, but on improving his Commander's. The barrier enveloped the both of them and allowed the biotic to manuver Shepard more easily.

"Sergeant, get us out of here!" The Lt barked the order, all the while opening the contents of the emergency kit found in one of the small cabinets. Each MAKO was equipped with a full set of emergency kit, along with a long-range communicator. They both proved very useful in this case and Kaidan turned on the comm. Instead of the steady beeps of stabilized wavelengths, only static was heard throughout the vehicle and Kaidan cursed in frustration.

"The beacon must be blocking all communication traffic," Ashley yelled out over the steady gunfire. Another wild swerve, this time to the left, but Kaidan had managed to tie Shepard down to the floor.

"I know, sergeant. Just please get us out of here!" Kaidan, as the next highest ranking officer on board, knew he had to keep a cool head. Yelling at his subordinate wouldn't help anything.

Another shriek, this time it was a weak gurgle, ripped through the cold, crisp air. The ground shook below the vehicle and Kaidan wondered if an earthquake was happening and that they would all fall down into the cracks of the planet.

"It's dead, Lt. Dead and not moving," Ashley said and the vehicle parked. The silence following what was a few moments of shrieking and swerving was rather unnerving to the two humans.

Ashley waited for at least ten minutes, the creature still in the centre of her targeting system. When it didn't move again, she let out a relieved sigh and pushed the the throttle forward, the vehicle going at a slow, cautious pace.

"I gotta destroy that beacon," Ashley explained before Kaidan could voice his question. "Then, we can contact the Normandy so they can get us the hell out of here before anymore threshers show up."

She didn't ask how Shepard was doing and Kaidan wondered if she was afraid of the answer to that unspoken question. His omni-tool made steady beeps as it recorded the CO's heartbeats.

The only indication that the beacon was destroyed was the incoming static hiss followed by a a broken voice trying to come through the comm link in the MAKO.

"...andy...any...out there?" It was Joker's voice and Ashley pressed a couple of buttons on the front panel. "This is the Normandy. Come on guys. I know you are not down there going skinny-dipping in some freezing pool. I'm cold up here just thinking about it."

"Joker, this is Sergeant Ashley."

"Please tell me the CO is alive! He usually answers my call unless he's upset or mad or dead."

Kaidan scowled at the jest in the pilot's voice but could he really blame the man? The only way to deal with a possible loss was to joke about it, at least in public, before running to the privacy of a cabin and then losing it there.

"He's hurt bad. Some acid got on him." This time it was Kaidan who answered Joker. "Tell Dr. Chakwas to get the Medbay ready and have a stretcher available when we board."

"Acid? Was it a thresher maw?"

"Yes, how did-"

"Shit. Ya didn't know? No wonder he's hurt bad. ETA right now."

True enough, there was the familiar hum of the Normandy's engines and Ashley drove the vehicle forward, into the safety of the Normandy's cargo bay. She parked it in its usual spot and turned round, to see Kaidan hunched over Shepard's still form. The Commander was half naked and she would have admired the impressive display of muscles and scars at any other time. Now, at the sight of Kaidan's grim expression and then the burned skin on the Commander's back, Ashley became deeply concerned. First, it was the beacon and now, some godforsaken creature had taken out the Commander. If this was just the first step in their mission to stop Saren, the female soldier worried that not all of them would make it at the end and one of the casualties could be the CO himself.

"Lt, sir, we need to move him out," she said, perhaps in a harsher tone than she intended. Kaidan's head nodded numbly and his eyes darkened in focus. A blue light covered the entirety of his body and it reached out to envelop the Commander.

"Ashley, can you get the door please?" He asked, his voice strained as he attempted to keep the Commander afloat and straightened out. She pressed against a gray panel and the door slid open, revealing Doctor Chakwas and her assistants.

The CO's teammates piled around them, wondering on how bad the CO was hurt. Even Wrex's face bore some kind of emotion as the CO was rushed to the elevator, surrounded by the slender form of Dr. Chakwas and her medical assistants. Only Ashley was left behind and everyone knew that she found being left behind as insulting. From the way her shoulders were set back stiffly and how she clenched her fists at her side, it was easy to see she was troubled by the current situation.

The Requisitions Officer stood nearby her and he placed a comforting hand on her, only for her to shrug it off and march angrily to her little corner by the armory bench where the weapons were maintained.

The silence pervaded the room like a plague, subtle but stifling all the same. Garrus sat next to the MAKO, his three fingered hands clasped underneath his chin. Wrex just stood by the lockers, a few feet away from the angry soldier, but his red eyes were riveted to where the elevator door now stood open and empty. Although there was no blood trail to indicate that someone was injured, Wrex smelled the burns resulting from a Thresher Maw's spit and even he harbored some feelings of worry. That was new to Wrex, the Krogan mercenary who took the lives of many men and women without thought. It gave him pause and, when the Commander would next come down here, he will be more willing to indulge the Commander's strange curiosity.

-TBC-

A/N: I am wondering on how this chappie went. Hopefully I portrayed the CO's feelings accurately when he saw the Thresher Maw and that the other characters aren't OOC. Summary for next chappie: Commander Shepard deals with his fear of Thresher Maw with the help of both Kaidan and Liara, who discovers an interesting secret of the CO that even he doesn't know. Meanwhile, Wrex and Ashley actually have a heart-to-heart conversation, with some interesting consequences.


	11. Locked Doors

**Chapter 11: Locked Doors**

-o0o-

Liara was asked one of the most profound questions ever from the respectable medical doctor.

"He needs to face his fears but he won't ask for help..." Actually, she wasn't really asked to help him but the question was insinuated. Humans were such strange creatures, so vast and varied in their mannerisms and religion that it made her dizzy just at the mere thought of the combinations the short-lived species were made in.

"Might I ask the origin of your question?" The Asari asked quietly of her, not at all liking where this could be going.

Dr. Chakws sighed heavily, her fingertips brushing against her brow in stress. Grey eyes flickered over to the supine form of the Commander, his body sweating and trembling to fight off not the only infection from the burns but also from the nightmares that plagued his rest. Ever since she was virtually assigned to him from the end of Akuze, she made it a personal task to look after Shepard, with Joker following in a close second in terms of required supervision.

Liara's eyes turned downwards and regarded Shepard's pale face with something that was more than just a friendly concern. Dr. Chakwas took note of that and of how Kaidan seemed to gaze at him as well when the Commander wasn't looking. The Alliance doctor was old enough to differentiate idol worship and genuine attraction. Unfortunately for John, who was seemingly unaware of the pair's infatuation with him, the two crew members were both attracted to John. Ashley had mentioned something of this, but it was said in a light manner. Maybe she should start a bet on who would win John's heart. Of course, she would start it _after_ the Commander was well enough to be aware of the pair's intentions.

"I have melded with him once. His mind is a dark place, such that I've never seen before." Liara said and Dr. Chakwas was startled to see Liara's small hands shaking.

"Dark? What do you mean?"

"His mind is very well fortified and there are many doors that have not been opened in a long time." Liara explained calmly but not a condescending way for which the Doctor was relieved at that. "What happened to him? I've looked in his files-"

"You what?" Liara's plain admittance to peek into classified files shook Dr. Chakwas to the core and it made her inherently angry. She tried not to let it show on her face. The Alliance doctor knew she failed when Liara stopped talking for a bit and the Asari had the decency to blush at her dishonest action.

"I...I am sorry if I overstepped my bounds but it is rare of me to follow a _human_ command. Forgive my intrusion."

"No, you shouldn't be asking _me_ for forgiveness. But that is a matter neither here nor there. Will you help him, please? The last time this happened..."

"He was in a coma for two weeks and the only reason he was pulled from it was because the ship he was on had to be evacuated under enemy fire."

"Yes, how did..." The taller doctor shook her head ruefully then, not really wanting to know the answer to her question.

"I will need a moment of silence," Liara asked politely while placing her slender blue hands on each side of the unconscious man's temple. Her eyes closed and then the world shifted slowly as the Asari doctor immersed herself in the world of Commander Shepard.

Liara found herself standing in a dark street, with dilapidated houses decorating the empty road. The only light that was provided for her was the moon itself, hanging forlornly in the black sky. Thick clouds blanketed the sky, covering everything but the glowing planetary orb.

Shouts could be heard echoing across the abandoned street and she jumped upwards, unsure of what she would find in this man's subconscious. Cmdr Shepard was a fierce man in real life and she had no doubt that his mind would be even fiercer, especially to an outsider.

_Over here..._

There, a whisper in the dark. It beckoned her to move towards a house in the centre and it was the only one with the lights on.

She carefully made her way to the wooden structure and the very familiar architectural structure shocked her. There were untold _curves_ in the house, the way an Asari house would possess.

Curious as to why this house was so different from its human-made cousins, she edged closer and closer until a door appeared in front of her. Dark blue and smooth, it looked like a plain door.

_You are an Asari..._

Another whisper, gentle and sounding pleased at itself.

_But you are not welcome here...only he is welcome here...the one who understands..._

"Forgive me, but who are you who guards this man's mind? You were not here before-"

_He was conscious and permitted you entrance. Now, you've no right to be here..._

The voice, feminine in tone, possessed a certain lilt to it, common to all Asari. No, it couldn't be...it was impossible!

_You are not welcome here...only he who understands is..._

"I was asked to come here," Liara shouted at the door, feeling oddly embarrassed about talking to a door when there was no one around.

_Only he who understands can help him, not you, Liara T'soni, daughter of Benezia and Aeythea. _

"Please, I must help him!" She implored the voice and her hand incidentally pushed against the blue door. It yielded, much to her surprise, and light poured through the opening doorway.

It was so bright in intensity that Liara had to shut her eyes. Upon opening them, she found herself staring at a pair of very angry blue eyes.

-o0o-

"What the fuck are you doing?"

She gasped and realized that she had returned to the real world, in the Medbay of the Normandy to be more specific.

"Cmdr! I-I..." Liara spluttered pitifully and Dr. Chakwas came to her defense by saying that she was here at her behest.

John had a furious expression on his face, his eyebrows furrowed and his blue eyes an intense cerulean colour. The Commander gripped her hands tightly in his, painfully crushing them in his rage at having his mind intruded upon while he was unconscious. Liara let out a soft whimper of pain and the Commander, realizing that he was crushing the Asari's hands in his, released them.

He shifted his legs over the bed, against the Doctor's request, and this time he had no patience in hearing their excuses.

He just wanted to be alone. The Medbay felt claustrophobic to him and the presence of the two women with their unnecessary mother-henning made it even more stifling for him.

It had only been a couple of days since the incident but his body still remembered the pain, both mental and physical. As soon as his feet planted on the ship, there was a sharp dip, almost causing his stomach to go up and out of his mouth.

He was just about to make it to the door when his legs stopped working now, refusing to carry him further away from the two women. As his left leg buckled underneath him, he reached out to catch himself on the door. Unfortunately, the door slid open with a soft hiss and he found himself falling. It was an unnerving feeling, this free falling with nothing to hold unto. Then what was even more shocking was a strong male arm that firmly wrapped around his torso.

Blue eyes blinked rapidly in confusion and someone murmured in his ear, a low husky voice that sent tendrils of pleasure along his spine. Not wanting to show weakness in front of a man, much less the two women, he attempted to straighten up but failed miserable.

"Commander, you should probably lie down..." The man spoke to him softly.

"Lt Alenko, perhaps you can take him to bed," Dr. Chakwas' silvery voice could be heard just barely over the soft hum of his biotics reacting with the man's. "Apparently, he doesn't want to stay in the Medbay."

_Did she just...?_

"Are you sure, Dr. Chakwas?" The voice inflection mirrored his own disbelief over what the medical doctor just recommended.

"Trust me, Kaidan," the doctor reassured him and John felt a slender hand help guide him upwards to where he was leaning against Kaidan's shoulder. He kept his eyes closed as he did _not_ want to see the intrusive visage of the Asari nor the overbearing Dr. Chakwas. God bless her heart, he loved her like a mother but sometimes her care and worry could just be too much for him to bear.

With his eyes shut tight, the vanguard failed to notice Dr. Chakwas giving Kaidan something, a small vial of pills, before stepping back.

"The Commander rests better in his own personal quarters," she continued. "Now, please go before he dies of embarrassment or, worse, of his stubbornness."

The warm shoulder his head was resting on moved and John's eyes opened then, relieved that Dr. Chakwas let him go, although in someone else's care instead of hers. Usually she was adamant in keeping her patients, especially him, in the Medbay. However, she relented for an inexplicable reason and several possibilities flitted through his mind as the pair walked slowly to his personal quarters.

The other crewmembers, mindful of how private their Commander could be, politely averted their gaze, although all shared the same look of concern for his health.

Actually, the short trip to his quarters took more out of John than he cared to admit and quick, breathless pants escaped his throat unwittingly. They prompted another question of concern before he was finally laid to rest on his bed, which was softer than it looked.

"Commander, take this. It'll reduce that fever of yours and help you sleep."

His body was working out of its own will, it appeared, for he unquestionably swallowed whatever pill Kaidan gave him. The ease of trust troubled John and, as sleep claimed him, he wondered if he was still out on that dreadful planet, dying and then dreaming of this alternate reality, of the way his fellow biotic soldier was gazing back at him with something that was more than just friendly concern swimming in his caramel eyes.

-TBC-

A/N: Sorry if this chappie is a shorty. It's kind of difficult to write longer chappies with _almost_ no feedback from the audience. To garner more interest, for every 50th reviewer, I will write a specific one-shot for them at their request. There are two conditions: no non-con and it _has_ to involve a mass effect character. Other than that, everything else is fair game! It seems to have worked for my other stories; hopefully it'll work for this one!

Also, seeing as how this will be a lengthy story and I can only have one poll at a time, whoever reviews gets to vote on Liara's love interest, whether it be male or female, another Asari, you get the gist. Let the voting begin!

Lastly, a **major** 'thank-you' to all those who recently added this story to their favs/alerts lists and/or have kept up with the story so far. I really appreciate it!


	12. Going Forward

**Going Forward**

-o0o-

"Hey, sis, that Lieutenant is cute...and the man beside him, he's so hawt!" There was a soft groan of exasperation as the brunette flicked through her vids sent by her sisters. Younger than her and with their father away most of the time in their childhood, Ashley had to raise them herself. Or her mother would have long gone insane from having to handle four tough Williams in the family.

It was Sarah who had commented on her superiors' good looks and unfortunately, she wasn't the only one who heard it.

"Chief?" The voice possessed that unique throaty rumble, rivaling even Garrus' tone in the way it sounded _dangerous_ if pressed. She hastily closed her vid and saluted her CO, the years of military discipline ingrained in her being not permitting her to relax when there was a superior officer on board.

The CO returned the salute and she relaxed as he stood next to her, glancing at one of his weapons that was currently in several pieces. It was one of his best shotguns and the damage that incurred on them by the thresher maw was visibly seen. The barrel wasn't even a barrel anymore, just a blistered mess of metal and dense polymer.

"Sir, I tried to use a neutralizing agent on it but the damage-"

"It's fine, Williams," the CO interrupted her as he picked up the main piece of his destroyed weapon. It was light for a shotgun and had excellent balance, perfect for his style of fighting, she knew. Once having inspected his weapon and gleaning whatever information he could find from the remaining pieces, he turned his full gaze on her.

Ashley couldn't describe the facial expression her CO wore while they began to chitchat on mundane things. The eyes looked pained everytime they flickered over to the shotgun and then he said something that caught her off guard.

"I heard what happened down there and I'm..." Commander Shepard's sentence trailed off and he actually looked sheepish for a second. She was about to prod him in, perhaps with a joke about thresher maw catching his tongue. Then, she had enough sense to _not_ mention that particular word around the Commander. Shorter than what she expected, he emitted an intimidating aura, one that brooked nonsense from anyone or anything. However, from her previous observations of him interacting with Doctor Chakwas and Joker, he had another side to him, one rarely seen by anyone outside his crew.

The soldier didn't know the history between the trio and it wasn't her business to pry either. She figured the Commander would tell her in time and maybe she could see that gentler side to her imposing CO.

"I'm sorry if Dr. Chakwas left you here. She had to get me into the Medbay fast and from what everybody else has been telling me, I was in pretty bad shape."

Wow, the Commander actually apologized. Even though it wasn't his fault, he still apologized for her being left behind as it were instead of being invited to help out on the second deck.

Apparently, her lack of response was taken as anger and resentment for the Commander's face became more stoic, his eyes flattening in their brilliance. He was shutting himself away from his fellow soldier and Ashley reached out to the Commander as he turned to walked away.

"Commander," she called out, her hand catching him on the elbow gently.

His head moved slightly to the right, a lone blue eye regarding her coldly, although his body faced away from her.

"It's alright," she reassured him, her voice steady and forgiving. "And yeah, you _were_ pretty bad. Good to see you up and about, skipper."

She hadn't meant to say that word of endearment between friends. However, once said, she couldn't take it back.

That eye widened just barely but it was a big reaction coming from her superior. Then, there was a hint of a smile and he nodded before walking over to the Requisitions Officer. She watched him for several more moments before finally returning to her duties.

She had wondered why her CO was looking so fixedly at the ruined shotgun and she picked up the main piece of her. A horrible scrawl was barely visible beneath the dirt and the grease. She brought the piece closer to her and after reading it, she almost dropped it in shock.

_To Shep, from the 131st._

The 131st? The famous platoon of marines that were sent out to the Akuze in case it was something more than a distress signal calling for a rescue. All died on that fatal scouting mission, except for Commander Shepard.

Fuck, to having his weapon kept in good condition after that only to see it now, ruined by the same creature that utterly devastated his entire group must have been...well...awful for him. There was no other way to describe what the Commander could have possible felt at this sight.

Then, she made a vow to herself that she would clean whatever she could and buy extra parts for it. The shotgun was manufactured by the Hahne-Kedar Company. Fortunately, they were known for keeping parts for all models put out by them, no matter how outdated the lines may be.

-o0o-

"Uh, Commander, you sure you want to head out to Feros? Noveria is closer to us now. Just thought you should know that."

The Joker had his chair turned completely round and he, except for Doctor Chakwas, was the only one who could get away with his tongue-in-cheek comments.

"No, Joker. I don't even want to see a cold planet anywhere. Feros is warm enough for me. Plus, Nihlus mentioned something about an illicit research done on that colony. Figured Saren might be interested in it as well."

John leaned against the wall of the cockpit, eyes gazing at the bright stars that dotted the vast expanse of space. There was a small moon to the left of his view, blue and rocky. The rough terrain was indicative of precious metals that could be resourced for the Alliance's benefit.

"Joker, see if there's anything down there," he replied and the pilot's fingers flew all over the orange display of buttons. A soft _ping_ rang out and a small prompt displayed itself on the front screen, temporarily blocking the pair's view.

"Wow, looks like we got some Polonium on our hands and look," Joker observed lightly, "our bank account just got five times fuller than before!"

Admiral Hackett had told Commander Shepard that any minerals found by the Normandy crew were vital to the Alliance and well worth their weight in credits. As it stood, Commander Shepard was now a rich man, instead of being paid on a modest salary of 60,000 creds per year.

"Does this mean we can be millionaires based on gold-mining, Commander? If that's the case, can't we just abandon this mission and do some exploitations? We'll be richer and we don't have to deal with this Council business."

It was a joke of course and John shook his head, a small smile brightening his face. Joker was a perfect compliment to the Commander. His jest and sarcastic demeanor were opposite to John's serious outlook on life. Upon their first meeting, it was supposed that the two wouldn't get along and Dr. Chakwas had expressed her concerns to the pair that they were to get along well, for the sake of the crew. Needless to say, her warnings were unnecessary and John often came up to the cockpit, either to observe the ever changing constellations while deep in thought or talked about personal things in life.

Joker, for his part, knew what topics he can make cheeky remarks about and he also knew when to be serious as well. Upon hearing the Commander's injuries from that female soldier they picked up from Eden Prime, worry coloured his thoughts and he literally pushed the Normandy to rescue them. His haste caused several expletives to be released from the Engineering deck, most of them emitting from the Quarian, Tali. Something about overdoing the eezo core drive...that's what they were complaining about. Of course, as soon as the exhausted three-man team got on board, the complaints had hushed immediately.

"So, Commander, let's hope Feros doesn't have any nasty surprises waiting for us," Joker said as he sent the coordinates to the Normandy's navigating processes. John knew what the pilot was really talking about and he gave a gentle pat on the Joker's shoulder, fully aware of the pilot's fragility in bone structure, before heading out to the CIC.

The Normandy's engines powered up, readying the frigate for FTL travel. In a few seconds, the blue moon, the dark emptiness, all disappeared into a blur as the Normandy thrust itself forward into the horizon, the crew unaware that there were worse creatures than a thresher maw out there.

-TBC-

A/N: Hi everyone! Wow, I received a lot of feedback and am glad that everyone likes this Shepard. I try to create realistic characters and, as of now, it seems I am doing a good job of it. Yay for me! Anyhoo, please leave a little something behind and remember: vote for Liara's LI and that the 50th reviewer can do a prompt request.

Thanks and I hope to hear from you all soon!


	13. To Embrace Eternity if you survive

**To Embrace Eternity – if you survive**

There was another fear Commander John Shepard had but it wasn't so bad that he was ashamed to hide it from his companions.

"I fucking hate heights," came the rather crude statement as he peered down at the side of the Normandy. The sleek frigate had parked beside one of the few available ramps. He swallowed down his nausea and then shook his head, trying to clear that useless phobia from his mind.

"I thought you'd rather take the heights and the heat than the cold and the worms," Joker said over their internal coms and the vanguard let out a nervous laugh. The pilot was very correct in his assumption and John's squadmates only hoped that they didn't have one of those to deal with.

"Damn creatures like the ground too much to live up here," Wrex's reply was dry and sarcastic. "Unless, they've learned how to fly..."

The human vanguard shuddered at that thought and he wasn't the only to visibly react to _that_ line of thought.

"I think we're safe up here, Commander," someone spoke out and the way the husky voice said his rank made him shiver again, not of fear or the cold, but something more. Something John didn't want to think about right now, at least now when the mission was about to commence. "And we've got your back."

Those words made John turn around and, though it was difficult to read any expression in those honeyed depths, the Commander knew that Kaidan meant to follow through his statement.

"C'me on," John said, not wanting to linger around the ramp any longer. He willed himself to believe that he was walking on solid ground and it helped alleviate his fears long enough for him to see that there was a person waiting for them down the hallway. As they walked closer, the man's appearance became easier to detect. Clothes of muddy brown and moss green indicated that the man wasn't a scientist or even a soldier at least. Although the face was worn with time and labor, the eyes still retained that particular innocence, an innocence that any experienced soldier would lose after their first tour of duty. However, his hands weren't smooth enough to belong to someone who worked in labs for a living. As he gestured them to come closer, all the squad members noticed that he was shaking a bit, his upper shoulders trembling and his voice stuttered when he directed them to Fai Dan.

Commander Shepard wasn't given enough time to question him as the telltale sound of a geth rocket launcher whirred loudly in the air. A crimson sphere blasted its way towards them but it hit the colonist instead of them.

"I knew there was a reason you brought me here, Commander," Wrex shouted in an excited tone. Several more booming shots echoed in the empty air and it was quite comical to see geth flying everywhere.

"Kaidan," John called out to the sentinel who was currently programming his omni-tool to overload the geth's shield. Before Kaidan could ask what he was about to do, John disappeared in a blue blur as he literally slid across the ramp. His barriers were down for the moment and the thirty-two year old biotic realized that John would need covering fire as soon as the charge dissipates into heat.

True enough, a geth trooper had flanked John on his right, its gun aiming for John's vulnerable back. Before it could fire its weapon, Kaidan focused his biotics on lifting the geth up. It was then thrown clear across the tiny walkway and over the metallic railing. Kaidan hadn't meant to throw the Geth but Wrex did and the booming noise emitting from the Krogan's shotgun made Kaidan's ears ache. Just from being near the Krogan gives him a headache and Kaidan hoped that Wrex would charge at the enemy, thus taking his loud gun with him and away from Kaidan. If not, then his headaches were going to be really bad.

However, Commander Shepard had been noticing the way Kaidan would bring his hand to his temple, how he would subtly tried to cover the small flinch that was a reaction to a particularly loud noise or even bright lights. Thus, he ordered Wrex to be in front, with Kaidan slightly behind him. This way, he could cover both of them and it suited John just fine. He had his fair share of being on the frontlines and, while he got the Star of Terra for it, he didn't want to do that again. And if he had to, he'd rather have his current squad backing him up.

Half an hour later, John was terribly glad that all of them had biotic abilities. Their weapons overheated frequently as Geth literally poured down the concrete stairs and the crawlers' quick, furtive movements often caused bullets to miss their targets. Sometimes, the human vanguard wondered if he should have brought Tali instead of Wrex. On the other hand, it was quite handy to have a battle-thirsty Krogan charge at the geth, especially the towering Geth Destroyers. With the latter, they both had to charge at the towering synthetic enemy to bring it down.

It was that particular moment where Wrex, despite having told Shepard prior to their mission of his dissent in teamwork, actually enjoyed working with his human combatants. No, Wrex, corrected his thoughts, more than combatants. The two weren't friends yet but they were far enough away from being labeled as 'enemy' by the sanguine Krogan and that was a very good thing.

They managed to reach the colonists and John's heart leaped in his throat at the sight of the shotgun aiming for the colonists. Apparently, the battle haze hadn't worn off and John, not really wanting to risk an inter-species incident, just stood in front of Wrex, his back almost touching the hot barrel. The move, leaving Shepard vulnerable to a bloodthirsty Krogan, shocked Wrex so much that he took half a step back.

"I'm Commander Shepard, Captain of the Normandy. I need to speak to Fai Dan," John quickly introduced himself to the frightened colonists. Middle-aged men and women, they probably had never seen a Krogan up close and still be alive. Hopefully, it would stay that way. One woman spoke out to them, saying that Fai Dan was stationed towards the back of the colony, with a woman named Arcelia Martinez.

Unfortunately, the pair weren't much help to John as the only piece of news they gave him and his squad were the obvious ones: Geth and they're looking for something. John sighed heavily, his hands on his hips as Arcelia droned on and on about ExoGeni's lack of protection and how the Alliance abandoned them on this cold planet.

"Are you sure there's nothing else you can tell us? Anything at all?" John asked again once Arcelia finished.

"Apart from what we've already told you," Arcelia said haughtily, "no, there's nothing else because even we don't know what's going on and you're only here because of them!"

"Arcelia, they are just trying to help," the older colonist told Arcelia and he looked Shepard directly in the eyes. "If you can help get our colony running again, we will be eternally grateful. I doubt ExoGeni would be as generous."

The trio moved on from the pair, with Wrex muttering about how helping these hopeless colonists was just a waste of time.

"I know, Wrex," John complained as well, "but we need money and newer guns. If you hadn't noticed, our weapons kept overheating _before_ we even entered this place."

"Look over there," Kaidan pointed at a lone salarian, who stood sentinel by one of the mobile crafts. "Maybe he has some items for sale."

John checked his omni-tool and found that he did have too many useless weapons and mods on him. Hopefully, he can sell them at a good price while buying newer ones. The Salarian cowered at their approach and John mentally kicked himself in the head at the reason why.

Krogan hates Salarian. Krogan + Salarian = bloodbath.

"Err...Kaidan, Wrex, see if the colonist's need any help with something," John ordered his two companions and Wrex, his red eyes fixed in a murderous gaze at the shivering Salarian, pulled away with Kaidan.

The tactic worked as both buyer and seller conversed with one another, albeit a little awkwardly. To help the situation, John stood directly in the salarian's view of the krogan. Ledra was the merchant's name and the Commander thanked him for his time. When he turned away, a small hand patted him on the shoulder to get his attention.

"Be careful," Ledra warned him and John knew the merchant wasn't talking about fighting the Geth in the Exogeni Towers.

"Don't worry, Wrex isn't stupid enough to backstab me. He'll do it in my face," John's reply didn't satisfy the salarian and, though Ledra didn't say anything, the salarian nodded his head in acknowledgment.

If there was one good thing about Krogans, it was the fact that they prefer to fight directly and using underhanded ways like backstabbing was an insult to their way of combat. At least, that's what John hoped. Otherwise, he's just screwed.

-o0o-

_**Normandy, Second Deck**_

Nihlus perused through the reports sent by his fellow spectre. He had to admit that everything was going well for this _human_ spectre. Any other human, like that female soldier, he would have scoffed at the faux results and extricated the truth, painfully if necessary. The turian spectre believed in doing his mission efficiently and involving less blood than his predecessor, who hated humans with a passion.

_Saren_...

The name gave him a heartache, or at least the turian's equivalent of one. Saren had changed over the twenty years of knowing him. Ever since he first saw him in the Spectre Training camps, Nihlus had a hunch that his fate would be irrevocably twined with his. Those onyx eyes stared back at him with unabashed longing back then and Saren was tender with him, much unlike the cold counterpart of late. Sometimes, after curfew, the two turians would share warmth with each other as temperature fell to below their desirable levels of tolerance. It wouldn't be until a year later that his older friend would offer something to him, a rare occurrence even with turians.

_I want us to join together, in body and soul. To share your memories, to show you mine, would be the ultimate paradise for me._

To put it mildly, Saren had proposed a bond with him, a bond that lasted for several years until Saren disappeared without a trace. Spectre missions require discretion, even amongst bonded pairs, but having heard no word from Saren for the next year physically affected Nihlus to the point that his mental health became worrisome to his other turian friends. Even the Council, who knew of every Spectre's relationships, advised Nihlus to break it off once Saren returned. If he returned.

When Saren did return, his whole demeanor had completely changed. Gone was the compassionate lover, the worrying Spectre mentor. Now, all he saw and now sees, is a monster, one who did his missions ruthlessly, killing all and any innocent bystanders, especially humans. He had no idea what happened to Saren during that year of being MIA. One night, when he was sleeping with Saren, a question was asked of him and it resulted in an abnormally strong hand wrapping tightly around his neck.

Instincts had kicked in and when it was all said and done, the room they were in was ultimately a wreck. It was there Nihlus broke it off, telling Saren to find another partner in his ruthless missions, one that shared his enjoyment of kills and destruction.

The turians weren't the asari, where the presence of their lover was felt at all times. However, it didn't make the loss any easier to bear. Standing and moping around the sleeping pods didn't help ease his thoughts either.

Nihlus realized, then, that he wasn't the only turian on board the Normandy. Garrus, the young C-sec officer, was here, wasn't he? Yes, perhaps talking to another turian could smooth away the jagged edges of loneliness.

As he walked down the stairs and took the elevator to the lowest deck of the _Normandy_, he was well aware of a pair of eyes gazing at them from afar, with suspicion colouring the green tint.

-o0o-

Ashley saw the turian Spectre stroll through the Mess Hall and disappear behind the metallic plate which became the wall between the spot where the two stairs met and the entire second deck. She had come up to see Dr. Chakwas and ask her a few questions. Now, doubt clawed her mind and she almost doubled back to the elevator, to ensure that the aliens down in the cargo bay didn't tinker with anything important. She still didn't trust the non-human crew on board and had shared her concerns with Navigator Pressely in polite undertones. The Commander didn't need any extra gossip going around to distract him from his missions.

Before she could retrace her steps, the door to the Medbay slid open with a soft hiss and Dr. Chakwas stood there, as if she was waiting for her to show up.

"Is there anything wrong, Sergeant?" The older woman's voice was soft and low. It immediately put the anxiety out of Ashley's mind and Ashley shook her head.

"No, no ma'am. Just need to talk to you about something."

"Well, come in. No good standing here when there are beds to sit on." Ashley followed Dr. Chakwas further in the Medbay and she eyed the equipment warily. The room was small, containing only four beds, two on each side, with a table in between the pair. A medi-gel dispenser glowed intermittently to her left and Ashley noticed that there were plentiful of medi-gel still stored in it. Apparently, the Commander didn't need to use his medi-gels that frequently. Of course, with Kaidan serving as the field medic, it wasn't really surprising to see so many unused medi-gels stacked there.

"Do you know when Commander Shepard's birthday is coming up? I know it's soon but not the exact date."

Dr. Chakwas' eyebrows lifted up at the question. "Why do you wish to know?"

The question put her off and made her stammer in reply. "Well, I, uh, know that his favorite shotgun is messed up and saw some writing. I think it was a gift to Commander Shepard, from the 131st."

"131st was Commander Shepard's first commanding squad," Dr. Chakwas replied. "On Akuze. Likely, it was indeed a gift and since Akuze occurred in the middle of the year, I doubt it was a christmas present."

"Oh, well, I thought it was a good idea in replacing the parts, maybe find better ones from the markets...but if it brings up bad memories, then maybe I should just let it go." Damn it. Ashley really hoped she could give something to Commander Shepard, to cheer him up as it were. Now, her gift had a chance to do the exact opposite and she didn't want that.

Dr. Chakwas bowed her head in thought and just when Ashley figured that the silence was her answer, the doctor's eyes gazed gently at her, an understanding shining from those silvery orbs.

"I see where you're coming from, Ashley," the doctor's voice was almost hushed and the soldier had a difficult time in hearing her next statement. "His birthday is July 27th and it's next week. While I believe he would appreciate the gesture, just be aware if his reaction doesn't meet your expectations. It's only been a few years since that incident but Commander Shepard still feels like it happened yesterday."

"Understood, ma'am. I'll-"

"Joker, here. We uh got a problem here at the hull and I really don't want to be eaten by zombies,"

"Zombies?" Ashley asked. "We don't-" Flashes of those husks she fought on Eden Prime interrupted her line of thought and her face paled immensely. Dr. Chakwas was going to ask her if she was alright but Ashley ran out of the Medbay, shouting for her to stay put and lock the doors.

Ashley wasn't the only one to grab a weapon from one of the lockers by Medbay. All the crewmembers did so, each one holding a small pistol in their dominant hand. She ran upstairs and met up with Joker and the rest of her team. Both Nihlus and Garrus were there, guarding the only entrance to the Normandy. The quarian was positioned by Joker, but her drone was placed between the two turians and her, a last line of defense should any enemy manage to get past the battle-hardened turians.

"What's going on?" Ashley asked, her voice breathless from the running.

"I've always liked watching horror movies, but this," Joker's finger pointed at the window and Ashley saw that a mass of colonists had gathered around the front of the _Normandy_, foaming at the mouth and literally banging against the sides of the frigate. "This is _not_ what I signed up for. I think I'd rather take the geth at this point. At least they don't have a soul I've to worry about."

"Well, why aren't you shooting at them? Doesn't the Normandy have turrets along the side?"

"You think I'm just sitting here, allowing them to put their greasy paws on my ship? The Commander said to just hold position and not fire at them."

"You got in touch with them? When?"

"That was an hour ago, hey! Watch the glass!" Joker shouted indignantly at a colonist, who was now throwing her fists into the glass. "Damn it, the Commander better get back up here or he's gonna be really broke soon. Buying a frigate is like winning a lottery nowadays. A lot of luck and a lot of paperwork."

The tension of the colonists' physical assault lasted for almost two hours until there was a final bang, followed by a string of curses that put Ashley's skill to shame.

"Joker, what the fuck?! Let us in!"

Joker jumped out of his seat and he brought up the HUD. There they were, the Commander shouting at the door in a comical fashion while Wrex and Kaidan just stared at him in exhausted disbelief.

"How do I know you're not some crazed zombie posing as the Commander?" Joker teased the man and Ashley groaned, slapping her hand against her forehead. Joker was just asking to be shot now.

"Cuz if you don't, I'm gonna blast a hole in it!"

"Alright, alright, no need to get your undies in a twist," Joker relented and the elevators opened followed by the sound of the VI and then another string of curses, something about VI's taking too damn long about decontamination.

By the time the trio made their way into the cockpit, Ashley was stunned to see the three males covered in green goo. While the goo no longer held any health risks, it still reeked of dead animals or whatever the goo used to be. Also, unless it was just a trick of the light, the Commander's own face looked greenish, as if he was going to be sick any minute now.

"Skipper, you ok? You look a little green, sir."

Commander Shepard released a shaky sigh and he rubbed his forehead tiredly. "Yeah, I just realized that even plants can scramble your brain into bits."

"Plants, sir?" It wasn't the most appropriate way to address her CO, but the plants she knew of were living things with no trace of sentient thought.

"Debriefing in the comm room," was all John said before walking forward, followed closely by Kaidan and Wrex.

"Hey, hey," Joker whispered to her. "Is it just me or are they getting really close?"

"Huh? You mean that Krogan and Kaidan? That's disgusting...sir," Ashley added that last bit in because she didn't know if Joker cared about military protocol or not. Joker waved his hand dismissively at the title.

"No, not them. I meant the CO and Kaidan. They've been talking a lot lately."

"So? Skipper's been talking to everyone lately." It was the truth. The Commander had gone around the ship, taking the time to get to know everyone, even the aliens as well. He started doing this more often after the thresher maw event and perhaps this was his way of forgetting about it.

"Yeah, but have you noticed that he stays at arm's length with everyone, even you? With Kaidan, he's like all in his personal space."

"Sir, I'm sure you're just seeing things. Besides, I've never heard of the CO swinging the other way."

"And you've never heard him dating women either," was Joker's last words before focusing his attention on starting the _Normandy_ back up so they could get the hell off this damn colony. What Joker said made Ashley wonder and an idea struck her. If luck held out, she could be the richest sergeant ever.

-TBC-

**A/N**: I've started to write the chapters longer at the request of one of my favorite reviewers, DZD3. Hope it's long enough for him/her and anyone else who cared to read this chappie. I do have a great following and I hope it increases as we get deeper into the story. Feedback, of course, is always welcome!


	14. Red Sunday

_Life is divided into three terms - that which was, which is, and which will be. Let us learn from the past to profit by the present, and from the present to live better in the future. _

- William Wordsworth

Chapter 14: Red Sunday

The sun was a grim shade of red that morning and that was a black omen to John. Growing up on Earth, he'd quickly learned to not be superstitious. To always react first, to be faster than his opponent or be killed. He wasn't superstitious until he saw that red sun, on the planet Akuze, on that Sunday morning. Even his superiors were unusually anxious. Their orders were murmured out to the men and women, the voices hushed and almost fearful. He was the only one who scoffed at everyone's jitters and toned actions. He was the only one who managed to reach the landing zone and signal for help in the large and empty shuttle.

Now, looking back on it, he regretted his cocky actions, his wild mannerisms that drove his superiors wild with frustration and sometimes anger. The only reason why he wasn't kicked out of his platoon was because he was in the N7 program and his biotics were unrivaled. He earned his Lieutenant status by quickly going through all the stages of the famous 'N' program and, despite his roughness with strategy and people, his skills were unmatched by his peers.

Hell, even his own Commander, Commander Rika, couldn't win a sparring match after he hit his growth spurt finally at the age 24. "I'm getting too fucking old for ya, kid. Go tussle with people ya own age." A small smiled played at his lips at the memory of that exasperated look on her strong face. She was a tough woman and gave him a chance to prove himself, to prove that his gang history wasn't going to be a problem. Well, he proved that it wasn't going to be a _big_ problem but he had no qualms in disobeying shitty orders from an idiotic Major. Oh yeah, he remembered having gone on a mission several weeks before Akuze.

It was the planet Antibaar, ironically enough, where they had to rescue a high-ranking Alliance official from batarian slavers. Come to find out, the Alliance official was Major Kirkhale, a sleaze bag who sold Alliance secret intel to the batarians and then double-crossed both major forces of the universe. Instead of obeying his rescued official, he handcuffed the weasel himself and shot all but one of the batarians down. He wasn't stupid enough to kill all the witnesses to Major Kirkhale's crimes.

That earned him both a medal and a black mark for the Major was a popular figurehead and the gangster kid who brought him down posed a threat to the integrity of the Alliance. Thankfully, those who thought that way were silenced as well and John had wondered, even to this day, who quietened their discontent with him.

The Commander's mind flitted from that particular memory to another, the exhaustion of the week's missions loosening some of the doors he often kept closed. He hadn't told anyone else but his birthday was today and he was afraid of it, fearful of the memories that day might bring. The broken pieces of the shotgun burned hotly in his mind and so did the faces of those who bequeathed him this rare shotgun.

Ryan, Paul, James. Despite his coarseness, he made invaluable friends in the Alliance and the three men mentioned were his best friends. Ryan was a former gang member and several years older than Shepard. He was also a biotic himself and they often trained together early in the mornings, testing and pushing each other's limits. Both having experienced the stigmas of being a biotic was what tied them together and it still made John's heart ache today about his death. In fact, it was Ryan himself who taught him the fundamentals of biotics and how to exploit certain combinations of techniques. _Single biotic skills, like throw and warp, are good enough. But put them together and you can take out an enemy platoon without breaking a sweat._ Ryan wasn't a vanguard like him; his biotics focused more on crowd control and wearing an opponent down. It was why they worked so well together and most Alliance marines would watch in awe at how well they coincided their biotics together for maximum damage.

"_Get to the landing zone, John! Take James and get the fuck out of here!"_ Blue eyes screwed shut at the familiar voice, the British accent cutting through the ache of his memory like a knife.

James was Ryan's...well...they were lovers and Shepard was the first to know about it. Well, more like he stumbled unto them screwing each other like rabbits. But that wasn't the point. The point was he failed them both. He couldn't save either of them and sometimes he wondered if maybe, maybe he should have done more to save James, to render those tentacles apart and prevent the youth from being taken from his grasp.

Paul was Ryan's youngest brother and Shepard had a powerful urge to protect the two youngest men, for Ryan's sake. All through their Alliance training, even when he departed for his 'N' training, he always kept an eye on the two, whether it's through intimidating their ill-wishers or asking their friends and families about their well-being.

"_Here, Shep. A little something from the three of us," Paul said and all three had shit-eating grins on their faces. "Well, actually, it's from the entire platoon since you saved all of our asses at some one point or another. But," a pause and then another grin plastered all over that young face. "we figured it's time for you to upgrade your weapons. Biotics can't save you all the time."_

"_Shuddup!" Ryan shoved him none too gently but Paul shrugged it off with a smile, knowing that his older brother meant well._

Fuck. No one else had called him Shep now and gotten away with it without sporting some insult or injury. No one even calls him John anymore. Not until that horrible fiasco of a mission several weeks ago.

He still remembered seeing the fear in Kaidan's hazel eyes and the warm, gentle touch of hands, of biotics covering him, protecting him from further danger.

"Earth to Commander Shepard!" A voice startled him out of his reverie and, by instincts, John's biotics activated. When the Commander realized that the voice was through the PA system and he was alone in his small cabin, he deactivated them, the blue field dissipating into heat around him.

"Yes, Joker," Shepard replied, his throat dry and croaked. Damn, he needed to eat something soon and fast. "What is it?"

"You're wanted in the CIC," Joker replied and Shepard could have sworn he heard someone giggle in the background. Was that? "There's an emergency up here."

Joker was never good at lying but John thought he should humor the pilot, at least for good times. "On my way now, Joker."

"Now would be good." Another giggle but he still couldn't recognize the owner.

-o0o-

"I honestly don't think this is a good idea," Kaidan voiced his concern to Ashley and the pilot. "You do know that his birthday is today and that Akuze was around that time."

"I know," Ashley rebutted and she looked down at the present held in her hands. Doctor Chakwas was worried too but she did say something else that sounded like a convincing argument to Kaidan.

"Perhaps, we can give him the good memories of his birthday, Kaidan," the silver-haired doctor said quietly to the crew who anxiously awaited the arrival of their Commander. "We can't let the past haunt us and rob us our chance of happiness in the future."

Dr. Chakwas' words rang true in Kaidan's head. On the other hand, considering how the Commander virtually pushed himself this past week, the other human biotic doubted that the celebration of his birthday would help relax him. In fact, it may have an opposite affect and Kaidan could already tell that the Commander's mental state was fragile enough as it is. With each successful mission accomplished, however, it was fast disappearing.

There were times, most notably during their talks, when Commander Shepard showed his doubts and his worries about the mission. From what Kaidan gathered by hearing the gossip floating around the Normandy, he was the only person who had intimate knowledge of the CO's fears and concerns. The other crew all viewed Commander Shepard as a confident leader, driven to save everyone in the galaxy at the cost of his own.

The soft ping of a door opening alerted everyone's attention to the CIC and there was John Shepard, standing with a perplexed frown etched on that handsome face. Apparently, the human Commander had expected some sort of emergency and not the presence of every crew member.

"We've something for you, sir!" Ashley saluted him and, completely ignoring the shocked look on his face, approached him. She held a large package in her arms, meticulously wrapped in blue paper. Somethings just never changed with time and wrapping paper was one of the items that lingered since the early times of man.

The Commander received it and his hands, usually so steady and strong, shook a little as he unwrapped the gift. Then, his face paled, so much so that Dr. Chakwas stepped forward, her omni-tool out and ready to be used. The entire crew held their breath as the Commander just stared at the shotgun Ashley gave him. Light-weight, perfectly balanced with devastating firepower, and an updated model of the one he held precious before going on this insane mission of stopping Saren. The most important however wasn't the gun; it was the message etched unto the barrel thanks to Tali and her etching tool.

_To Commander Shepard, from the Normandy crew._

Heavy silence blanketed the entire upper deck and everyone held their breath, awaiting their CO's response. Half of them were afraid that he would scoff at the present, telling them to go on to their business. No one expected the small smile growing on the chiseled jaw nor the grateful way John gazed at his crew, at all of them. He placed the shotgun on the nearest leveled surface and drew Ashley into a tender embrace. The sight of Shepard wrapping his arms around the lithe figure of the female soldier made Kaidan uncomfortable a little bit, although he didn't know why. Joker, on the other hand, let out a whoop of victory while Dr. Chakwas emitted an audible sigh of relief.

"Thank you, everyone." John's voice was hushed and low. "I...I appreciate this."

The Commander wasn't one for words. He was the kind of man who showed his feelings, his opinions through actions. However, even he deemed this occasion to be special enough for him to say a few words of thanks.

Ashley was the only person the CO hugged and Kaidan observed a few women throwing jealous glares at the soldier's back. The least obvious one was the asari but he could tell by the way she shifted her feet and wrung her hands that she thought the gesture to be unwarranted. The hug only lasted for a few seconds as they all knew how John disliked physical contact with everyone else.

Thus, the CO withdrew himself and, without saying anything more, turned to the stairs again. Before he left, he turned and his eyes sought out Kaidan's. Stormy blue eyes softened and Kaidan knew that the CO wanted to speak with him, in private.

Kaidan let some time pass before heading out to the Captain's quarters, not wanting to look suspicious. It was too late and, as the second highest ranking officer followed in his CO's footsteps, there was a change of credits between hands and light teasing between the two women.

-TBC-

A/N: This chappie is more like a filler since it's shorter than the previous chapter. Perhaps we can finally see Kaidan and John 'connecting'! We'll see!

As always, feedback is highly welcomed and I'll try to personally reply to those who have reviewed this story.


	15. Into My Shadows

Chapter 15: Into My Shadows

Kaidan had truly no idea of what to expect upon entering the Captain's cabin. Although it wasn't the first time he'd been inside, it still felt odd to be standing in his Commander's private quarter. A line had been crossed as the biotic soldier was quite certain no one else had the privilege to be here. A privilege? No, he didn't work hard all through his military training just to be derailed as the CO's bitch.

He immediately felt abashed when Shepard turned to him, a pensive look on his face that furrowed his brows and made his eyes darken with worry.

"Is that L2 amp acting up? I noticed you were flinching a couple of times back on Feros," Shepard's voice was low and soft, as if to keep quiet in order to prevent another migraine from flaring up. Not only did the CO keep his voice low, but the lights in the cabin had dimmed, bringing the darkened interior of the cabin in sharp contrast with the harsh brightness of the second deck outside Shepard's cabin.

"No, Commander," Kaidan denied and was going on to continue on denying his own pains when Shepard stopped him with a raised hand and a look that told him the CO was not a fool.

"Lying doesn't suit you," John's voice was harsh and chastising. The air around them thickened and became charged between the two powerful biotics. Even from where he stood, close by the door, Kaidan could feel the familiar tendrils of dark energy emanating from his CO. Like the man, the biotics were powerful and uncontrollable; so much so that Kaidan could now see them extending towards him and then wrapping around him, like a lover would- gentle and almost possessive.

He almost jumped when his own biotics reacted thus and his eyes flickered up suddenly, to seek out intense cerulean eyes that were watching him in turn. Was the Commander conscious of this occurrence? If so, then why? Why was he doing this?

Apparently, the CO was unconscious of this happenstance for he stepped even closer to the Lieutenant, almost pressing into his own private space. Kaidan's heart raced frantically within his chest

"I...uh...thought of something that may help, if only temporary," Shepard's words stumbled out of those full lips and it was indicative of the CO's own nervousness. "May I?"

A hand pressed gently against his cheek and Kaidan exhaled unsteadily, closing his eyes and not really wanting to see how close John's body stood close to his own.

Kaidan hadn't run away and John took that as his cue to continue. He hadn't done this before but something was telling him to continue. Thus, he followed his instincts, just like on Earth and on Akuze.

He focused on the way Kaidan breathed, how fast his own heart was racing within his chest. The way the world around them quietened until the only thing he heard was their breathing. He really had no idea on what he should be looking for but he felt his way through Kaidan's biotics, humming in pleasure as they brushed against his.

His Lieutenant's biotics were powerful indeed but tightly controlled, as if the owner was restraining himself from something. Oh, that's right. Kaidan had told him about a girl named Rahna, how he killed his own instructor for the latter breaking the girl's arm. He honestly hadn't asked for Kaidan to confess to him like that and even Kaidan surprised himself in that little discussion. However, that didn't mean John brushed it aside as unimportant.

There was a muffled moan but John ignored it in favor of finding the solution to Kaidan's migraines. Sensing his way through the man's biotics, he eventually found that troublesome amp and was equally fascinated and disgusted by it. The amp was manufactured and thus the body saw it as an intruder, constantly attacking the device around the edges. The assault was what brought on the headaches and it disgusted the CO that such a thing could cause so much pain.

Unlike Kaidan, John did not possess such an amp, despite the extraordinary skill and power he wielded utilizing his biotics. Thus, to see the device fine-tune and redirect the blue tendrils of energy flowing throughout Kaidan's body fascinated him equally so. Before getting too mired in attempting to understand how this amp works, John merely focused on strengthening the weakened field that surrounded the amp, where the biotics seemed to be fighting and eroding it away. Another soft moan was heard and when he was done, it turned into a relieved sigh.

The sigh was close to John's ear and it made him shiver, sending spikes of arousal down his spine. Fuck, he better stop before either of them lost their senses. Carefully, he withdrew himself from Kaidan's nervous system and found himself breathing hard against Kaidan's neck. They were both leaning against the wall, with John slumped in the taller man's arms. Much to the Commander's dismay, he was the only one who sounded like he just ran a marathon. His chest heaved, the breaths coming out of him in quick, stuttered movements. His own body felt like lead, as if he weighed three hundred pounds, not his usual 180.

Someone was murmuring something and he looked up, startled to find Kaidan peering down at him in concern. A warm hand held him against the lean chest and another one stroked his back in small circles, just the way he liked it.

"Commander, are you alright?"

"Yes...I..." This is awkward, John thought. Two men laying against each other in a very intimate embrace. He truly thought he liked women, despite their lack of attention on him, but none ever made him feel...dare he say that word? Safe? Taken care of?

All his life, he had to look out for himself. In the gang, if you couldn't take care of yourself, then you were no good to anyone. On Akuze, he had no one with him in the landing zone, all either being torn to pieces by the thresher maws or dragged down to their sandy graves. Even on Elysium, the first day of his supposed shore leave, he was alone and fighting against overwhelming forces of raiders and slavers. The last six hours were hellish and the nightmares borne from that incident rivaled those of Akuze.

"My headache, it's gone, John," Kaidan whispered to him. "What did you do?"

That was a question Shepard asked himself and the answer still eluded him. While he was much too comfortable in his current state, he knew that Kaidan would undoubtedly feel otherwise. Thus, it very much shocked him that as he made himself to withdraw from the warm chest, the arm wrapped around him tightened a bit as if its owner didn't want to let him go. He was about to say something, maybe make a joke out of the situation to make it less awkward, when Kaidan turned his head towards him.

Hazel orbs met his, searching for the answer to his question. He wanted to look away, not liking how deeply the other man's eyes bore into his, but couldn't.

"I need to say something, John," Kaidan began to say and John swallowed hesitantly. Shit, he saw plenty of this on the vids of back home. Rejection. Hell, he hadn't even asked him about his feelings and he was already being rejected, whether it was as a friend or maybe a lover.

"I'm sorry, Kaidan," John apologized quickly and Kaidan's eyebrows shot straight up, a comical sight were it not for the seriousness of their predicament. "I know it wasn't what you expected."

Again, John attempted to get up but his effort failed, Kaidan's strength proving to be much greater than his at the moment. Now that was something just ridiculous. John Shepard was stronger than most men, even other vanguards as well. Kaidan, on the other hand, held him as easily as if he was holding a kitten.

"No," Kaidan said slowly, "no, it wasn't expected." John ducked his head away, ashamed of his forwardness. "But, it wasn't unwelcome either. Whatever you did made it go away, if only temporarily. And there's something else..."

"Something else, Alenko?" John asked incredulously. What could Kaidan be talking about?

"I saw you back on Earth, on Akuze and even Elysium."

Was Kaidan implying something here? John's heart began to race again, terrified of this new revelation. As if in response to his rising panic, Kaidan gripped him even tighter to him and he stroked along the spine, maybe to comfort him even though the hand hovered dangerously close to his ass.

"Did we share memories, John?" Kaidan asked him yet another unanswerable question. "I thought only asari were capable of such feats."

"I've never done this before, Kaidan," John's voice was hoarse with emotion. He didn't really want to talk about this. "I-"

Whatever else John had to say, it was cutoff by a gentle pressure against his lips. The action took him aback and he opened his mouth even further, to say something, when dry chapped lips crashed against his and a hot tongue pressed against them, silently asking for permission.

John let out a moan as he granted Kaidan entrance. He had never viewed his fellow biotic as a forceful type of lover, but he loved it, relishing in the way Kaidan took control of his mouth, of his body as the two men pressed against each other. A few minutes had passed before the ardent kissing stopped, with Kaidan finishing it with a gentle one on John's mouth.

Apparently, Kaidan's forwardness took him by surprise too for he looked flushed and almost shy of his actions, the temperance so different from just a few minutes before.

"Ah, sorry. I'm usually a lot slower than this." Another blush and the sight of those cheeks reddening made John chuckle. "But, Shepard. Whatever this is, it can't affect our mission, our crew."

Ah, leave it to the serious Sentinel to turn an amorous session into a serious debrief.

Kaidan must have seen his exasperated roll of the eyes for his eyes grew serious and he grasped John's muscular shoulder. "I'm serious, Shepard."

"I know and I'm serious too, Kaidan," John replied. "I don't do this for anyone."

"Well," Kaidan cleared his throat and he loosened his grip around John's back, allowing the man to finally get up and stretch out the kinks from having lain on the floor for too long. "Let's hope Joker doesn't say anything about this,"

John snorted as he offered a helping hand to the Sentinel. "Knowing Joker, this is probably all over the Normandy crew. Might as well get used to being with me, then."

Wait, did he just say that? It was no perfect declaration of wanting to be with Kaidan but it came damn near close to sounding like it. A soft laugh echoed in the Captain's cabin and there was another kiss, so tender and fraught with emotion, it made both men forget their worries of being in the centre of the _Normandy_'s gossips. Unfortunately, they had no idea that credits were being made off them and that Dr. Chakwas was going to be a very rich woman within a few days.

-TBC-

A/N: Darn! Still not over 2,000 words! Hopefully, I did their connection justice. If not, well, you can always gripe about it in a review. If you did like it, however, then please let me know. I apologize if Kaidan is a little OOC. I hope I did their characterization accurately.

Next chappie: Someone grows jealous of the deep connection the CO and Lt. Alenko share and goes out of his/her way to break it. Meanwhile, Shepard and his crew head out to Noveria where Saren and his asari ally are not the only enemies they'll have to fight.


	16. The Three Amigos

**Chapter 16: The Three Amigos – Geth, Asari, and Noveria**

Noveria was cold and not just because of the steady blizzard that pounded against the rocky crevices and cliffs that held the corporations working diligently in the interior. Actually, Wrex found the weather perfect and he tried very hard to hasten their steps from the building to the outside world.

Unfortunately, John and Garrus were not so amenable to the below freezing temperatures of Noveria. Even more trying were the 'high-and-mighty' attitudes of the inhabitants of the Noveria Development Corporation. Even Garrus' legendary patience was wearing thin underneath the blatant stares and the rude remarks thrown their way.

_Damn spectres._

_What's a Krogan doing here, with a Turian and human no less?_

_Our business is done for with those Council freaks here._

The harsh whispers echoed in the vast emptiness of the building they were in but John, so used to the most base of humanity, ignored it in favor of dealing with annoyances like Anoleis and Qui'in as quickly as possible. The only person who was neither afraid nor disrespectful to him and his friends was a young woman by the name of Gianni Parasanni.

Her slender figure and fragile frame certainly belied the quick intelligence of the Internal Affairs agent. His first impression of her was a simpering assistant who would do anything to keep her job, _anything_. Then again, in hindsight, that's probably what she wanted him to think and John realized that he was fooled at first sight, despite his vast experiences on the streets.

When she approached him again after he retrieved the OSD for the turian in charge of Synthetic Insights, he at first wanted to just hand in the disk and get that pass. However, he liked how she figured out exactly why he was doing in the offices in the first place and so risked his main mission by heading to her first. Even Wrex told him that the lady had balls when she didn't even batter an eyelash at the sight of him. Most women pale at seeing such a bloodthirsty alien walking around, especially if it was carrying around a shotgun.

After a few moments of conversation with the IA agent, the trio had headed to Qui'in and the two aliens witnessed the persuasive powers of their Commander. Both Wrex and Garrus honestly did not expect Qui'in to agree to testify against Anoleis but here they are, listening and watching at how a hardened Turian succumbed to the wiles of a mere human.

"If we had Shepard in our military sector, why, there probably wouldn't be any military infrastructure after him," Garrus commented to Wrex tentatively, unsure if the Krogan next to him would shoot him or punch him. The history between Turian and Krogan wasn't so easily cast aside just because they both shared a human commander. However, the two had made a deal with each other that they wouldn't shoot each other until the whole mess with Saren was over with.

Wrex shocked the turian sniper with a deep laughter and mirth danced in those black eyes. "Yeah and then we would all be screwed once the Geth and Reapers hit us."

"True. Maybe it's best that he stays a military man and not a politician." Garrus' reply was dry with humor and the Commander glared at them over his shoulder.

"You know I can hear you two."

"Yes, that's why we're talking about you, where you can hear every word," Garrus bantered back and John snorted in response.

"C'me on. Let's get the hell outta here. This place gives me the chills," John strode forward and he led them to Anoleis' office where they were treated to a comical scene of the slender agent arresting the corrupt Salarian for money laundering. Eyebrows lifted at her comment that the dress was more of a hindrance than for show and John smiled when she shouted over the simpering pleas of her captive, "come find me and we'll have a beer together, Commander. Nice working with you."

"Damn, I keep forgetting that some of you humans aren't all squishy and soft," Wrex chortled lightly and he thumped the Commander hard on the shoulder.

"That hurt, Wrex," John joked, feigning hurt by rubbing against the area where the Krogan had slapped him. It didn't really hurt but it sort of stung. "Come on, we got some geth that need killing."

"I noticed you haven't included Asari in the killing as well, Commander," Garrus' voice purred.

"I want to talk to Matriarch Benezia first."

"Before or after killing the Geth? Because if it's before, she's no longer exclusive," Wrex growled. The Krogan's eagerness to shed some blood concerned John, who never hurt anyone unless they were really asking for it. Even out in the streets of LA, he preferred the smuggling part of his gang to the outright assassination of rival gang leaders, a task better suited for violent men, for those without a conscious. The Geth were a different story entirely and to John, if creatures don't have a soul, how could they feel pain and despair?

The banter had quietened down, the two companions falling into an amiable silence as they followed their Commander down the stairs, through some geth, and out in the freezing cold.

A nauseating half an hour later, thanks to John's reckless handling of the MAKO, the trio finally made their way into another complex and found themselves standing back to back in the middle of a dead courtyard. Screeches and bellows of creatures rang in the cold crisp air and John thought he heard something scurrying around around the corner.

"Shepard, something smells off and not like the Geth. Almost like-"

Another high-pitched shriek ripped through the air and the little hairs on John's neck rose straight up. The chills ran down his spine but he tried not to let the fear show on his face. The human Commander's hold on his assault rifle tightened and the gun was quickly pointed out a dark shadow that appeared on the broken stairs.

"By Aralakh's balls! It's fucking rachni!" Wrex exclaimed and he showed no hesitation in shooting at the approaching creature. The thing was ugly and grotesque. A body similar to that of a prawn gave way to a small head holding a pair of fathomless black eyes. Its cumbersome body was held by four thick legs and a pair of thinner legs were located closer to the front, around where the neck met the body. Small tentacles wavered almost hypnotically around its face but Shepard saw first hand how they could easily penetrate human flesh.

Dead bodies with gaping wounds littered the walkway and the trio concluded that, due to lack of weapons on any of the bodies, these wounds were caused by the rachni. And Wrex was all too pleased to finally face down the old enemy, much to the chagrin of his compatriots.

Seeing Wrex charge at the rachni soldiers in a bloodrage almost put Shepard and Garrus on edge, their fingers twitching on the trigger nervously. However, when the Krogan suddenly stopped and then grinned wolfishly at them, they both felt a little bit guilty in temporarily doubting their comrade's ability to reign in his blood lust.

If the big ones were a challenge, the smaller ones the trio encountered further down the hallway were a lethal nuisance, using a deadly combination of agility and poison. Shepard had felt something jab into his foot but he brushed it off as something he probably stepped on or brushed against. The thought that the rachni tentacles were strong enough to penetrate human armor didn't crop up in Shepard's mind until the effects were too late. Far too late.

-o0o-

Both the time they had finally reached the station where Matriarch Benezia and her Asari commandos were, Shepard was profusely sweating and his friends noticed that he'd been brushing his forehead a lot lately. His hands shook a little, not too much though to knock off his aim. Wrex, with his heightened sense of smell, sensed that something was off with Shepard's body. It smelled unnatural and foreign. He was going to suggest Shepard to take a break and take a look at himself before heading in to meet the main lady.

However, John, being the stubborn human that he is known for, shrugged off Wrex's concerns but he gave the Krogan a tight smile to show his appreciation for the concern.

Wrex said nothing but he was more vicious to those who attacked John and Garrus joined him in their vicious assault against the incoming waves of both geth and Asari. The two aliens worked well together as they come to find out in their battle-Garrus shot from afar while Wrex stayed on the frontlines, taking the brunt of the attacks and attracting more enemy firepower towards himself.

The way Shepard danced across the battlefield belied the feverish state he was in and for a moment, both Garrus and Wrex thought that maybe he was ok. He stood on his own two feet. His voice was strong and steady when talking to their defeated enemy who had so conveniently regained her senses long enough to give him an essential item for their mission before slumping down the wall and then stilled as life fled from her form.

The first visible sign of Shepard's acknowledgement came up as Shepard walked closer to the enormous creature imprisoned in a glass container and he almost fell against the wall, his weapon falling out of numb fingers.

"Shepard!" Garrus shouted and he stowed away his sniper weapon quickly so as to steady his friend.

"Garrus! Look behind you!" It was Wrex and the Krogan pulled out his shotgun. As he was getting ready to blast the walking dead Asari, a hollow voice cried out in the air.

_I mean you no harm. Do not decimate this body if you wish to learn the truth behind Saren._

"Put it away, Wrex," Shepard's voice was hoarse and sounded tired. "At least hear what she has to say before killing her..."

"Can you kill a dead person?" Garrus asked wryly. Shepard groaned but the Turian was quite sure it was due to whatever was making him sick rather than the question.

John managed to turn around and he rested against the wall, his eyes fixed on the representative standing stoically before him. She was pretty enough, even in death. The dark purple hues of her skin differed from that of Liara's light skin tones and John idly wondered why. Orange markings decorated her face, bringing out the blue of her eyes and the redness of her lips. Her armor was of medium weight, light enough to allow maximum maneuverability but providing sufficient protection from average gunfire. Apparently it wasn't strong enough to block Garrus' single shot in the chest.

The Rachni Queen's voice held a hypnotic tone and John's focus hazed after she explained what had happened to her. It miraculously strengthened when she literally asked him to make a choice: to spare her or to commit another genocide by killing her.

"I say we kill her. There is a lever next to the container that would release acid into the container," Wrex pointed out but it was pretty much pointless as John had already made his decision. When he did, Wrex gave him the most furious glare but didn't fight the Commander, even though he would probably win.

_You would give us a chance to sing again? _

"Yes. No race deserves to be exterminated, even those who once threatened the safety of the galaxy."

"I still think we should just kill her and be done with it," Wrex grumbled unhappily.

"Once you take a life, you can't get it back. Ever." John replied and he knew that truth intimately. "We're releasing her."

The Commander somehow found enough energy to push away against the wall and pressed against the 'release' button on the console located in front of the glass prison. The door hissed as it opened and a joyous cry rang out in Shepard's head before she gave them a warning:

_See to the Commander. He grows weak with my children's toxin, which is only cured by a drop of Krogan blood._

John's head snapped upwards in shock but the Queen had already slithered through the door, not wasting a second in escaping from her cage. The room became oddly silent compared to the jarring noises of battle that ended barely a few minutes ago.

"Commander, we've still those other rachni to deal with," Garrus said but his sentence trailed when he saw John fall forward. "Commander?"

"No. I'm ok. Just tired..." John shook his head before standing up and both of his friends could see how much energy their human Commander put into to remain standing. "C'me on. Let's just blow that hot lab up and get outta here."

"That's at least a mile back. You sure you gonna make it?" It was Wrex who voiced his doubt and John appreciated that, even with his decision going against Wrex's wishes, the Krogan would still follow him. At least for now.

"Yeah. I especially don't want you carrying me around. Can't be comfortable being draped across that hump of yours."

Wrex roared out laughing and he remembered in time not to slap John on the back. Instead, he holstered his shotgun and started to head out where they came from, with John following suit and Garrus taking up the rear. Before they exited the room that stank of burned metal and blood, John spared a quick glance at the dead bodies that lay scattered haphazardly all over the stairs and walkways. His blue eyes focused on the slumped form of the Matriarch and his heart grew heavy as he realized that it wasn't just Saren's top Lt lying dead there. It was Liara's mother and the human vanguard knew without a doubt that the Asari scientist would mourn her passing greatly.

The trio trekked as quickly as they could back to the hot labs and plant a nuclear explosion. It was successful but as Mira began the countdown, the Queen's rabid children congregated in increasing numbers just outside the lab they were in. John was already at the end of his strength for he had to be helped into the lab in the first place. As the hissing grew in crescendo, Wrex glanced over at the weakening human.

"Well, looks like I will be carrying you after all," the deep rumble of the Krogan's voice caused John's eyes to flutter open, dazed and unfocused.

"No. I'll just slow you down," John said.

"Well, one thing for sure. I'll be shot at before even reaching the Normandy if we leave you. I may have redundant nervous systems but even that can't stand up against that kind of firepower."

"We have to go now," Garrus told them and the Turian held three grenades in his three-fingered hand. "Actually I've an idea-Commander, how fast is your biotic charge?"

"No fucking way, Turian," Wrex argued before John could even open his mouth. "He'll be dead before you can say 'Palaven.'

"We'll all be dead otherwise. The Commander's strong enough. Once he passes through the Rahni, he can pass out in the elevator."

"If he's dead after this, I'm gunning your Turian ass." Wrex growled almost menacingly but Garrus stood his ground.

"No, Wrex. Garrus is right. I'll only slow you down, Wrex. I'll began my charge right now. Garrus, as soon as you open this door, throw out a couple of grenades and run like hell. Wrex, you too. Don't even both to stay and shoot. Just charge through. I'll follow you."

It was easier said than done, for all of them. The door slid open and Wrex shot down one of the rachni that waited for them right outside the entrance. A high-pitched whine could be heard in the room above the din of the rachni and the two aliens did what their Commander told them to do. They ran like hell, shooting down any that was directly in their path of escape

John's biotics flared around him and he pushed through the heavy fog of his mind to concentrate his biotics into developing a strong barrier that would soon expel him forward once disintegrated. Pulling this move off would be risky as it took a lot of energy to even bring up the barrier much less let it explode. Already, his vision wavered dangerously and his grip on reality slipped. Out of sheer desperation, he fought to stay conscious and then charged through the rachni or rather the empty path that his friends left him. The feeling was exhilarating to say the least and John watched as the world blurred into blue lines. The grey walls of the lab. Even the crowding rachni disappeared as he rushed forward in a haze of blue and white before the world suddenly tilted upside down and darkened. The last thing he heard was someone crying out his name but it was impossible. Kaidan was still on the ship. How could he be here with them?

-TBC-

A/N: I just seemed to love to have hurt!Shepard. Almost as addicting as writing hurt!Dean Winchester shorties. Am I a bad person for doing that? :D

Anyhoo, please say something! And have a great Thanksgiving! Or happy holiday!


	17. What's In A Name?

**Chapter 17: What's in a Name?**

"_We'll name him Steven..." A female voice whispered tenderly above him. "After your father."_

_A gentle laugh echoed around him, full of love and warmth._

"_No, no. He doesn't look like a 'Steven'. More like that famous John Paul Jones. Besides, It'd be weird having a father and son share the same name."_

_He giggled in response to the name of 'John' and tried to grab a hold of a lone finger._

"_Strong grip too! Ouch!" The man teased him with another finger, daring him to catch it. "Ok, ok. We'll call you John..."_

_John cooed at the given name and was rewarded with soft kisses on the cheek by both parents. He couldn't see them, only hear their kind laughter as it drifted along the warm darkness that surrounded him..._

"John...John...will he be ok, Dr. Chakwas?" A husky voice asked him.

"...not sure...that toxin has severe nerve degenerative properties...Wrex..."

Soft whispers accompanied him as he swam out of the blackness that seemed to not want to let him go.

John's eyes opened and then shut tight as the lights of the Medbay jabbed at them painfully.

"How about now, Commander?" Dr. Chakwas asked him. John tried again and the lights had dimmed enough for him to see without wincing in pain. Both Dr. Chakwas and Kaidan stood by his bed, wearing their versions of worry and stress over him.

The doctor's emerald eyes' brilliance shone brightly, even underneath the low settings of the Medbay lights. Her lips thinned terribly underneath the duress of her medical profession and it wasn't any different now. It marred the elegant features of her face and John thought he probably should quit getting injured so much.

Kaidan, unlike the doctor, didn't show much emotions except for the fact that his own face was paler than usual and his soft brown eyes lingered on his much longer than necessary.

"How-?" John started to ask but a hacking cough interrupted him followed by an agonizing sensation racing down his spine and all the way to his feet.

"Wrex was generous enough in giving you some of his blood. Somehow the blood transfusion worked but there are side effects..."

John didn't quite understand what she was saying to him. His body felt like it was on fire and his throat seemed to be tightening on itself, making it hard to breath. Side effects? Like asphyxiation?

"Commander? What's wrong with him?" Kaidan's strained voice showed more emotion than what was on his face until John caught sight of it.

"John! John! Whatever you're feeling...it's not real..."

_Take John and go! Whatever happens, tell him that we've always loved him..._

He reached out to Kaidan and the solidity of the hand that held his own helped anchor him somewhat. It lessened that vertigo sensation but not the inferno that raged inside of him. Someone had placed a cool rag on his forehead and he moaned in relief, his head finally falling against the flat pillow below him.

"I'm giving him a shot of morphine...should...sleep..."

A cold feeling pricked his skin and the Medbay fell away, leaving behind that familiar male voice and the comforting grasp of Kaidan's hand.

-o0o-

"What just happened there, Dr. Chakwas?" Kaidan asked once John was put under, thanks to the drug's influence. He still held the Commander's grip, its former strength slackened in unconsciousness.

"I honestly don't know, Lieutenant Alenko." Dr. Chakwas scanned her patient again with her omni-tool and after a few rapid clicks, she put it away and walked to a nearby console. Another beep and then a sound of concern emitted from the doctor.

"The rachni have been defeated before we made our presence known in outer space. Thus, Commander Shepard is the first casualty...and it's not looking too well."

The doctor gave a meaningful glance at her sleeping patient and then turned her steady gaze to the Krogan who brought Shepard here in the first place.

"Wrex," Kaidan asked politely, unsure on how to address his concern for Shepard to the Krogan without getting a fist to the face or the stomach. "Can you tell us exactly what happened down there?"

The Krogan's large head moved slowly to regard him with blood-red eyes and a grimace appeared on that reptilian face. Before having met and worked with the Krogan, Kaidan would have mistaken the grimace for a sanguine smile, one that called for blood and a fight. Now, the sentinel could see the subtle difference of a friendly Krogan and a _not_ so friendly Krogan.

"Told you all I know, already, Alenko."

"He did," another voice called out and everyone turned their attention to a new arrival. The unmistakable purr of the voice told everyone that it was Garrus who had just entered the Medbay.

"Garrus," Wrex acknowledged his presence with a slight nod.

"Wrex," Garrus returned the friendly greeting before turning to the dark-haired biotic. "How is he doing, Lieutenant Alenko?" Garrus asked the second in command.

Kaidan leaned on the side of the Commander's bed before rising up to his full height of six feet. The human biotic was perhaps the tallest out of all of them, barring Wrex, and his audience realized that the light armor he frequently wore in their previous skirmishes belied the muscular frame and the power of his biotics. Attired only in his Alliance BDUs, the blue fabric did little to hide the toned muscles and his large frame.

If Ashley had been there in the audience, the female soldier would have raised an eyebrow first then let her eyes drift lazily down the Lieutenant's good-looking body. However, she was busy trying to clean the weapons from the Noveria mission and thus had to miss out on this important meeting.

Who would have thought that two humans, a Krogan, and a Turian would be discussing about the Commander's health. Twenty-six years ago, the humans and Turians were embroiled in conflict with each other, the war commonly known as the First Contact War. The Krogans, well, they were always fighting someone out there in the vastness of space.

"I'm surprised to see the Commander still alive," Wrex said. "Human and Krogan blood usually don't mix well."

"That is curious, yes," Dr. Chakwas reaffirmed the Krogan's statement. "Liara has studied the effects of the blood transfusion and I am genuinely shocked that there are no signs of rejection. Usually, if a human ingests or contracts any foreign blood through an open wound or another orifice, immediate hospitalization is required. While the mortality rate is not so alarming as to deem any foreign blood as biologically hazardous to us, ill side-effects linger far longer than what is deemed uncomfortable."

"What did she just say?" Wrex asked as politely as he could without showing any ill-will towards scientists.

"In other words, the Commander is actually doing rather well, if he were a human," Liara explained as she stepped into the Medbay from her small office in the back.

"_If? _What in the hell is that supposed to mean? He looks human to me. Even smells like one," Wrex grumbled.

"He appears human but his genetic structure is rather similar to..." Liara's sentence trailed off and the Asari's blue hands wrung nervously in front of her. The scientist bit her bottom, as if unsure of what to say next. Kaidan was about to prod her on but she continued relaying her findings.

"I'm not sure if it's appropriate for me to say this, but I believe the Commander is not fully human."

"Is there anything else in his files that may contribute to your theory, Dr. T'Soni?" Kaidan glanced at the supine form thoughfully as he asked the question. The Commander was always placed in impossible situations, where the chance of survival was grimly set against his favor. First, Akuze and then Elysium. And now this. When he and the Commander had their minds melded, Kaidan almost lost himself in the red haze of despair. It was from sheer willpower that the sentinel managed to pull away from the horrific images of half-torn men and women, of the screeching sounds of the creatures that hunted them relentlessly in the cold darkness.

Thus, when Liara began to relay the terrible news of what happened to his squad on Akuze, it didn't shock him as much as the others. Even Wrex appeared to be a little disturbed by that incident and there was the look of profound respect etched on that reptilian visage. Garrus' mandibles moved restlessly, a sign of being visibly disturbed by something or someone.

"I think it best for you to not spill all of the Commander's secrets. With my patient unconscious and certainly not in a position to give coherent consent, I must advise for this informative session to be ended." The doctor's voice hardened and brooked no further arguments. Kaidan agreed and almost felt ashamed of himself for having started this session. It was he who invited everyone, well, just the two who were with Shepard on that last mission. Then Liara came and innocently began to inform everyone present of the Commander's private memories.

"Everyone, dismissed. And for the record, this conversation never happened," Kaidan commanded and, to his utter astonishment, the three Aliens nodded their assent before leaving the Medbay. He never much liked taking command, often content to let his superior officers lead the way with him following suit. Only Shepard was the only one who listened to him, without being in fear of his biotics or holding grudges. Of course, it certainly helped that his CO was a biotic himself, a rather powerful one too and lacking an implant.

"Lieutenant Alenko," Dr. Chakwas called out to him and he looked up to see her handing him a small, damp rag. He already knew the protocol, having gone through this before after the Eden Prime mission, and placed the cloth on top of his CO's forehead. Shepard let out a soft sigh of relief and unconsciously turned turned towards him, almost leaning into Kaidan's palm.

"It's going to be a long night, isn't it?" It was a rhetorical question but Kaidan asked anyways. Hearing Dr. Chakwas' answer of 'yes' merely confirmed it. He grabbed a stool and sat in it, all the while watching over the man's form with a tender gaze.

-TBC-

A/N: Hi everyone! I'm back. School is out for the moment but unfortunately work never stops. However, in my little spare time, I'll be posting longer chapters on my days off. Please continue the encouraging reviews as they are the only things that keep me going with this particular story. Thanks to everyone who has left a little bit of themselves in their reviews!


	18. Shadows of the Past

This chapter is dedicated for atom-bomb, who wanted to see more of Nihlus, and for all those who had something to say about our Shepard.

**Shadows of the Past**

_Come to me, Nihlus..._

Nihlus' eyes snapped open and his mandibles twitched restlessly. He turned his head to the side, facing the gray wall of his small sleeping pod. He originally declined Shepard's offer of the Captain's cabin, seeing as how the crew might view his acceptance as an alien taking command of a largely human crew. While their alliance was concrete, the interpersonal communication needed more work.

He was a Spectre, trained by the best. Unfortunately, now it was the best who had gone rogue. The same one who shot him on Eden Prime and left him for dead. The same one who trained him, even loved him.

Now, they were on the hunt for Saren but with dreams like these, it felt as if Saren was hunting him. Everytime he closed his eyes, Saren's strange orbs would stare back at him, with ice and some inexplicable feeling that he thought it may be love for him. No, Not love.

Not like the growing intensity between the human Spectre and his second-in-command.

He had seen the way the two humans threw furtive glances at each other when the other wasn't looking. How the older man, Kaidan, would hover around the Commander whenever he was injured and then suddenly shy away as soon as the latter was waking up. Human courtship would always befuddle him and Nihlus learned that sometimes things are best left alone.

Soft footsteps padded around his area and then a friendly face peered into his cot, curious blue eyes piercing through the glass and seeing straight at him.

What was that human expression? Speak of the devil?

"Nihlus, the Council wants us both in the Comm room."

So much for getting some more shuteye around here.

-o0o-

"Nihlus, Commander," the Asari councilor greeted them warmly while her two male counterparts merely nodded cordially at them.

"We've heard news of what happened on Noveria," Councilor Tevos began to say before being interrupted by her Turian Councilior.

"Are you mad, Commander Shepard? Releasing the Rachni Queen?"

"And Nihlus, the purpose of having you on board the Normandy is for reassurance on our part that the Commander is protecting the galaxy."

It was the Salarian Councilor who said the last statement and even Nihlus thought it was uncalled for.

"While it is true that releasing the Queen may have been a mistake on the Commander's part, it no less diminishes the fact that Commander Shepard did what he could to retrieve any pertinent information, which leads to the true purpose of this meeting."

Commander Shepard raised an eyebrow but said nothing. However, Nihlus could tell that the Commander was agitated. The way his right hand clenched repeatedly, as if the human vanguard was itching for a fight, anything except to listen to the Councilors. How his answers were short and polite, if not somewhat curt.

The extra information given to them even surprised Nihlus. He had no idea that there was a STG team stationed on Virmire but that of course didn't shock Commander Shepard.

"Damn Councilors, do they treat all their Spectres this way?" John cursed once the meeting ended. He was really lively for a sick human. It was only a day ago that he was lying on the bed, moving and thrashing in throes of fever. It was only when the bright light of the comm system flared up momentarily before disappearing that Nihlus noticed a sweaty sheen appearing on the Commander's forehead and there were dark circles beneath those bright stormy blue eyes. The way his fellow Spectre lacked their usual grace and fluidity.

Commander Shepard's hand trembled a little bit as it rubbed his brow, the only sign of his exhaustion and frustration.

"Never mind. Don't answer that. I'm sure there's somewhere in the Spectre contract that they can't speak ill of their benefactors."

"No, there is no contract. Only the words spoken at our commemoration," Nihlus replied, not quite getting the sarcasm of Commander Shepard.

John then just burst out laughing and he slapped the Spectre hard on the shoulder before leaving the Comm room, yelling something about gearing up for a simple rescue mission of an Alliance scientist.

Ten hours later changed the Turian's mind about the simplicity of a rescue mission and Nihlus discovered that a human's mind was much more complex than he expected.

-o0o-

It really was a simple mission: hunt down the person responsible for killing Alliance scientists. Unfortunately, it had a twist to it, one that Shepard was rather reluctant to reveal until he was forced to, in the form of Corporal Toombs.

The only companions Shepard took with him were Nihlus himself and Kaidan Alenko, a rather strange combination of combat, tech, and biotic powers.

While Shepard and Kaidan fought together almost seamlessly, Nihlus had trouble integrating his own powers. A combat and tech specialist, he had little to almost no use for biotics. His solo missions were always accomplished with minimal effort. Even on missions that required two Spectres for completion, his respective partner, biotic or not, dealt with enemies in a separate area until they made rendezvous point. At that point, the mission was all but complete. The last step would be to leave the place and report back to the Council.

Even Commander Shepard took notice of his awkwardness and Nihlus almost regretted having joined the two men. With Garrus gone, the pair had lost their long-range advantage and, while the two men were nice enough to not say anything about it, they were certainly almost hurting.

Whoever had killed the scientists were extremely skilled but intelligent as well. What awaited the trio, after their struggle through the desert and having faced down yet another thresher maw, were well-armed mercs, with an unfamiliar sigil etched on their chestpieces.

Shepard had a few close calls, even with Kaidan serving as the support man. The cramped corners of the base they were in made the duo grateful that Nihlus was an expert in dealing with shotguns and disabling tech defenses of any adversary. However, even Nihlus could tell that Shepard hadn't fully recovered from his last stint on Noveria and it was a wonder that he could perform any biotics at all.

However, it wasn't much the skirmishes that had finally worn down the Commander but the appearance of a tall man clad in dark-brown attire, his gun aimed at the scientists' face.

"Toombs? Is that you?" The way Shepard's eyes lit up with shock and relief should have warned both Kaidan and Nihlus but neither wanted to intrude on this private moment.

"Shepard? Shep, is that you?" Although Tombs had recognized the Commander, his gun didn't move an inch from the scientist's face.

"Put the gun down, Tombs. It's a-" Shepard began to say but the scientist interrupted with a horrified scream.

"A simple misunderstanding! I swear, I'm innocent in all this! The incident at Akuze was not my doing!"

Everybody saw how the Commander flinched at the mention of that word, the place where his entire squad were massacred in a single night. Nihlus saw how eager he was in pulling the trigger at the bronze-skinned scientist and if John were to shoot the man in cold blood, he certainly wouldn't stand in the way, not after hearing firsthand about what exactly happened to Tombs.

"...they were delighted that I survived and regretted it when I killed all but him," Tombs continued his story, his dark eyes fixed on the trio standing before him. Kaidan couldn't help but notice that Tombs mostly just looked at Shepard, like a lost lover and he felt something rise within his heart. Was it jealousy?

"I swear! I didn't do it." The scientist screeched and for once, Shepard almost looked indecisive, as if he was unsure whether or not to save the scientist from his past.

"The Commander was there," Kaidan blurted out, "he knows the truth of what happened."

"Tombs, put the gun down," Shepard's voice was unusually soft and gentle. It brought Tombs' attention back to him, away from the scientist, who dared not move an inch. "Killing him will just have you stoop to his level. With him alive, we can learn how and why it happened. Him being alive would bring him more misery than death."

The commander's words rang true in the empty room, the air thick with tension as the life of a scientist hung in the balance. Everyone awaited the other soldier's decision and there could have been a collective sigh of relief as Tombs lowered his gun, his stance relaxing.

"I...you're right, Shep. As always, you're right," Tombs spoke softly and he suddenly approached Shepard, the action causing Kaidan to immediately bring up his pistol. A hand gesture from Commander Shepard made him stand down but that didn't prevent the biotic from readying his omni-tool.

"I'm sorry," Tombs apologized and he hugged the Commander, his arms wrapping around the slightly smaller frame. The two men spent a few minutes like that before withdrawing to their respective positions. "I can't go back to the Alliance though. Penalty for killing any Alliance members, even-" Tombs' eyes flickered over his shoulder quickly before returning to gaze at Shepard. "Even scientists, is death. Promise me you'll make him pay..."

"I promise," Shepard replied and Tombs smiled wanly at him. "What are you going to do now?"

"I don't know...probably head back there, to pay my respects. You should do the same, Shep," Tombs said and he walked out of the room, his form disappearing into the shadows of the corridor that lead to this large room. "It'll bring closure, for you and our friends."

For a moment, all Shepard could do was stare haplessly at where Tombs had gone and he wondered if he would ever see Tombs again.

"Commander, we must retrieve the scientist," Nihlus' low, metallic voice broke the silence and the Turian saw how the Commander's posture stiffened, the way those blue eyes hardened into diamonds at the mention of their supposed 'victim.'

Neither Nihlus nor Kaidan stopped the Commander from slamming the scientist into the wall and they all watched with curious eyes as their Commaner leaned in, to whisper something in the other man's ear. Whatever he had said, the duo saw how pale the scientist's face went and how he seemed to shrink into himself, trying to become smaller and less threatening than before.

The Commander let go of the scientist, coldly watching him slide limply down the wall before he brought up his hand to call the Normandy for pickup.

"Pick this trash up. We're moving out," was all the Commander said and he exited out of the room, not bothering to wait for his two companions to catch up with him, with the scientist in tow.

-o0o-

Saren felt something shift in the air and he knew that he just lost his top Lieutenant on Noveria. He still punished the poor messenger who reported the news to him, the light in the salarian's eyes dimming as Saren's biotics clenched around his thin neck tightly. The grip didn't loosen, even well after the salarian had fallen limp, and once the rogue Spectre realized that he had just killed one of his top scientists, the grip was released. A soft thump echoed in the silent lab as the salarian scientist fell to the ground at Saren's feet.

"Dr. Jelkor," Saren called out to one of the scientists standing behind him. "You are now in charge. Deliver that cure now and we'll show the galaxy just truly how terrifying a Krogan can be in their bloodlust."

"Y-yes, sir. It'll be done as you asked." Dr. Jelkor bowed his head down before scurrying away from the tall Spectre. He was not particularly eager to stay around and watch what Saren does to the dead.

_She is expendable. _A shadow flitted across Saren's vision and he clutched at his head, trying to fight this feeling of having his mind being violated. _Find out why the Firsts have not heeded our call. Deliver this galaxy to us and you will be free._

His mind became less heavy then, as if a great weight had been lifted of it. It was a moment of lucidity and Saren knew that his time was running out. He had to make the most of this, to free himself from whatever had him in thrall, and the only person who could possibly help him through this difficult ordeal was someone he had betrayed.

Still, he had to try. Had to reach Nihlus before the shadows come for him again. He just hoped that Nihlus wasn't involved in hunting him down and that his lover would forgive him once more.

-**TBC**-

A/N: Sorry for the long gap between the updates. I hope you all enjoyed this new update and can't wait to hear from anyone wishing to say something.


	19. Interlude - The Citadel

**Chapter 19: Interlude – The Citadel**

**Normandy Cockpit**

The Normandy glided through the empty space of the Widow Nebula, its destination clearly in sight. Joker, despite having seen it countless times, still found the massive ward arms and the gigantic centerpiece just amazing. The pilot couldn't find the words to properly describe the awe-inspiring view of the Citadel so he did what he does best-joke about it.

"And Ladies and Gentlemen, we are approaching the Citadel, best known for their liver-killing drinks to all species of the Galaxy as well as the place where the Council pretty much ignores whatever humanity does."

"Joker!" A male voice cried out into comm at his left.

"And the place where the Council treats all races equally," Joker sarcastically remarked and the pilot's fingers pressed against several keys on the orange keyboard. The piloting console emitted a few chirps and beeps before a new voice came through the comm.

"Alliance control, welcome back Normandy."

"Any good places to park?"

"Yes, Lt. Moreau. By the Wards, dock D57."

"Thank you very much," Joker ended the call and he guided the _Normandy_ to the designated docking ramp. Footsteps padded into his cockpit and the pilot was not surprised to see the Commander standing over him, a hand perched on the left side of the chair he currently occupied.

"Joker, take some time off and that's an order."

The Commander's face looked really strange to the pilot and it wasn't until after he saw the Commander leave, with Kaidan following closely behind him that Joker realized what it was made that his face look so odd.

It was a genuine smile. A happy smile, in fact, that reached the Commander's eyes and made his otherwise stoic face look younger than his current twenty seven years. It seemed that the Commander and the Lieutanent are an item now, despite regulations, and the pilot felt happy for them. He and Dr. Chakwas had been there for the Commander since the failed Akuze incident. He of all people felt that the Commander deserved this much needed happiness in his hardened lifestyle. As he watched the rest of Shepard's crew pile in behind, including Garrus and Nihlus, the only thought left in his mind was that who was going to look after the Normandy if everyone was on shore leave...

-o0o-

**The Citadel** – Flux

Commander Shepard granted everyone shore leave, but in different shifts. Once shift 1 came back – himself, Kaidan, Garrus, and Nihlus, the other shifts could take their leave. Ashley and Jenkins, the only soldiers stationed on the Normandy, stayed in their respective shifts while keeping everything else running smoothly. Engineer Adams had wanted to visit Dr. Chakwas but was afraid to ask Tali if she could watch the engines. To his greatest surprise, Tali offered before the question was even asked of her to stay anyways. Thus, both he and Dr. Chakwas took this as an opportunity to visit and drink a little bit as well. Navigator Pressly had joined the duo later on and no one left the Medbay for a long while, even when the Commander and his friends returned from their overdue shore leave. Liara had taken refuge in the Engineer Room, finding quarian company more palatable to her taste than humans.

Commander Shepard had a sickening hunch that not everyone would make it out alive after Virmire and thus he virtually ordered everyone to rest, regardless of regulations. He had always viewed written regulations as mere guidelines rather than a strict regimen of orders that had to be obeyed, no matter the situation. His efforts in getting to know his crew better and ensuring that all under his command were treated fairly by their fellow peers earned him both respect and unmatched loyalty of Normandy crew. So much so that they didn't question the extreme closeness of the Commander and Kaidan nor did they comment on it. Actually, the majority of the crew rather encouraged the budding relationship between the two, especially Ashley.

Even Nihlus approved albeit with a heavy heart. Thankfully, Garrus kept him company while the two humans were busy shopping for weapon mods and staring at each other with moonstruck eyes.

"Do they always act like this, Garrus?" Nihlus asked of the sniper, who was busy checking out the sniper rifles in the lower Markets

"No, not always. Just when they're not together," Garrus answered.

"They are always together," Nihlus deadpanned.

"Oh, well then. I guess they always act like that. Does that bother you, Nihlus?" Garrus looked at him directly, sharp blue eyes boring into their green counterparts.

The other Spectre didn't reply but that was an answer in of itself. Homosexuality, while no longer considered taboo amongst most of the Council races, wasn't universally accepted yet. Humanity had announced an official repeal to the ancient DADT policy almost two centuries ago though there were always some who held some reservations about the change. While the Alliance Military does not condone homosexualtiy, it still forbids fraternization, at least within the immediate chain of command.

The turian culture was the Alliance's opposite in that regard and any relationships that could be forming between male soldiers, even amongst its citizens, were quickly and firmly discouraged. The methods varied, but the end result was the same – no visible pairing between turians of the same gender. As such, Garrus wasn't surprised to see a look of disapproval on the Spectures and he was just about to bring up his friend's own 'friendship' with the rogue Spectre, Saren, when Nihlus replied in a hushed voice,

"I don't disapprove their closeness. Merely the fact that they flaunt it so casually, as if the two humans aren't taking this seriously."

If Garrus had an eyebrow, it would be quirking upwards. A mandible twitched instead and the turian sharpshooter gave him a stoney expression. "As far as I can tell, Shepard is the least likely to have any relationships at all. The fact that he's opening up to Kaidan means there's acceptance on both sides. So, I will have to disagree with you on that."

"I'm not saying that-"

The turians, so immersed in their argument about the seriousness of the humans' relationship, didn't hear their two human comrades approach until the Commander Shepard asked if everything was alright.

"Yes, Commander. We are just peachy," Garrus' use of the human idiom raised a couple of eyebrows and Commander Shepard just shook his head before chuckling and grabbing a hold of Garrus.

"You should really check this store out...it's got..." The Commander's voice dimmed as the pair of them walked away from Nihlus and Kaidan who stared at each other awkwardly.

Unlike their departed counterparts, Nihlus and Kaidan hadn't exactly struck an accord of friendship between them. They shared no sense of hostility, however, thus making it slightly easier to have a little small talk such as now.

"So, how are you, Nihlus?" Kaidan's genuine concern startled the turian Spectre and it took him a few seconds to reply.

"I am fine. Why do you ask?"

"You seem...disquieted by something." Kaidan's brown eyes were soft, so unlike the Commander's hardened blue ones. Nihlus knew that underneath the lingering softness, there was also a hard edge to the Lieutanent, one wrought by terrible experiences as a child. A Spectre had unbarred access to all the information that could be found in the galaxy and Nihlus discovered that Kaidan's biotics brought him more grief than it should have. The turian should have been wary of what Kaidan could do, seeing as how easily the man had killed one of their top Commanders borne out of the First Contact War. The months of being confined to the bowels of the Normandy forced him to share what little space there was with the Normandy crew and Nihlus slowly but surely began to see everyone in a different light now.

"Really, everything is alright. But I thank you for your concern."

Kaidan gave him a small smile before he turned away from the other turian and following in the Commander's path. Nihlus followed suite and he quickly found that despite the Commander's great prowess in battle, he was certainly no dancer in a club.

The foursome, having met in the Emporium, finally made way to the club on the Citadel. Being the only club opened, it became quickly crowded with everyone of different races. The Asari, those who deemed themselves above the seedy reputation of Chora's den, could be found either chatting with each other and dancing out on the floor. The dazzling lights of white, yellow, and silver seemed to capture their graceful forms beautifully, almost hypnotizing the spectators. More than a handful of turians sat at the bar, murmuring quietly amongst themselves while sipping fine beverages. Very few humans were there, however, but that didn't bother the Commander at all. In fact, it meant fewer witnesses to his interactions with his fellow Lieutenant.

As if picking up on his thoughts, Kaidan threw him a sharp, almost disapproving glance but Commander Shepard knew how to melt the cautious exterior of his lover. Lover. The man smiled at how easily the word came to be associated with Kaidan. In all honesty, while he was heavily sought after by both men and women, he lacked the sexual experience that came with the attraction due to his biotics. They unconsciously became an unwanted barrier with any prospective partners and Kaidan was the only one who break through that barrier. Actually, there wasn't even a barrier to begin with and it initially concerned John Shepard. The mind meld with Kaidan didn't exactly ease his worries either but John wasn't one to question his good luck when he finally found it.

Unbeknownst to him, his own biotic field had hissed into existence, covering his entire body with a light blue glow. It seemed to beckon for Kaidan to come forward and the Lieutenant, knowing that it was a rather used cliche, felt _pulled_ towards the other biotic. Kaidan knew he should ignore the strong pull as they weren't exactly in a private place. Too many eyes could be watching them, either with amusement or suspicion.

The older biotic had almost succeeded in resisting the other man until someone had accidentally pushed him forward, an apology hastily shouted out over the din of the music and moving bodies. He stumbled forward, trying to catch himself with a _lift, _but a strong pair of arms caught him on the shoulders.

"You know, for a strong biotic, you're rather clumsy sometimes," John teased playfully and Kaidan had a very smart comeback waiting to be verbalized when he was suddenly brought even closer to the Commander, his groin brushing rather wonderfully against the Commander's. Someone made a soft sound and with John's smirk still plastered on that strong face, Kaidan knew it came from him.

"C-Commander...we shouldn't...not here..." The protests sounded pathetic but Kaidan didn't want the both of them to get charged with at best, indecent public acts, or fraternization.

"I'm a Spectre," John replied, his lips lingering over Kaidan's. "But if you'd rather wait for the hour that it takes us to get back to the Normandy, then be my guest."

Kaidan's voice of reasoning told him to take John on that offer but his heart wanted John to kiss him, to be even closer to the hot body that made him feel _good_.

"Ok, then. Another hour it is," John sighed and Kaidan espied the disappointment lurking behind those stormy blue eyes. The Commander began to turn but Kaidan's hands thrust out and literally threw him against the wall, the hard landing cushioned by the barriers.

John was about to ask something but the question immediately got stuck in his throat when Kaidan pinned him against the wall, his lips pressed hard against his own. He didn't know what to do as the furthest he's gone with anyone was a mere 'hello.'

The music in the club had changed from the fast-paced techno genre to a slower type, one which on each beat, Kaidan's hips moved against his. John moaned softly as Kaidan's hand cupped the back of his neck, squeezing it gently before traveling along the spine until it stopped on a muscular buttock.

Dry, chapped lips kissed along the side of his jaw and John's eyes clenched shut as sharp teeth nibbled on a spot right below his ear, an area that was quickly becoming an erogenous zone for him. Oh god. If Kaidan didn't stop this, he was going to come in his own pants.

Fortunately, Kaidan stopped his ministrations but only to whisper in his right ear, "I have other dance moves to show you when we get back, if _you_ can wait another hour."

John swallowed hard at that subtle innuendo and Kaidan's eyes had turned smokey underneath the deep blue club lights. All of a sudden, his pants had just decreased two sizes and, without further ado, he took Kaidan's hand and promptly pulled the Lieutenant along behind him, all the while shouting at the two turians to meet them back at the Normandy, on the double.

Garrus let out a snort at the quickness of the Lieutenant's seduction. Who knew that the shy and extremely cautious young man could make Shepard look like a fumbling teenager?

"I can see why the Commander often pays heed to his Lieutenant's words," Nihlus groused, a little pissed that he wasn't able to finish off the _Palaven Rose,_ the turian's version of Gentleman's Jack.

"Come on, Spectre. Otherwise Shepard will forget about us." Garrus said and the younger turian quickly downed his own drink before getting up from the bar and striding casually after the humans.

"Somehow, I doubt that a Spectre such as Shepard would ever forget us," Nihlus' dry reply caused the turian sniper to smirk in response.

-TBC-

A/N: As promised, here is the expected update on a Thursday! Yay! Hope things aren't moving too fast between Shepard and Kaidan as the next chapter will contain some smexy times before and after Virmire. Who wants it?!

Also, Saren has a nasty surprise waiting for Shepard as well...the key to his past...

Please review! I've got to go and review other stories as well. :D


	20. Into The Fire

**Chapter 20: Into the Fire**

"Haa! Pay up bitches!" Ashley shouted as she slammed down her royal flush on a the Mess. Pained groans immediately reverberated around the area and everybody reluctantly updated their omni-tool, transferring a minor sum of credits to Ashley's account. The female soldier gave the money back of course, but still, nothing waned down her elation of having won the twentieth card game. However, no one beat Dr. Chakwas' game of matchmaking and Ashley suddenly remembered that she owed the silver-haired doctor a very expensive bottle of brandy.

Amidst the din of voices and laughter, the tell-tale _ping_ of a door opening and the sight of the two biotics walking past them immediately hushed all sounds. Instead, everyone momentarily stared at Commander Shepard and the Lieutenant, except for Ashley of course. She _oogled_ and once the door hissed closed behind them, Ashley suggested that they all take this down to the cargo bay.

"Are you serious? With a Krogan close by?" One of the crewman whispered harshly to her.

"He's a lot more amicable than you think, once you get past his intimidating exterior," Ashley snapped back at the young man sitting across from her on the oblong table. "Just don't stare. He'll think you're challenging to a death match."

Of course, Ashley was joking and while Wrex was the toughest soldier out of all of them, barring Shepard, the soldier knew that he wasn't stupid enough to start friction between him and a possible ally. That doesn't mean her other crewmembers had to know that.

Hector, the one who started talking bad about him to her, paled considerably and Ashley sighed in exasperation. Hell, how in the world did she get here again? They were more gullible than Shepard and that's saying something.

"Just cool it, _C_orporal," was all Ashley said and the group moved to the cargo bay in silence. As they headed to the lower deck, she espied Garrus and Nihlus talking in low tones. A few months ago, she would have been immediately suspicious of the Turians murmuring quietly to each other. However, now, having teamed up with the sniper a couple of times and constantly hearing the word 'calibration,' she instead nodded in acknowledgment of their presence. Her politeness was equally matched by the Turians' brief nod and the female soldier left the pair to their own devices, but not before sending a brief message to the Commander's omni-tool.

-o0o-

As soon as the door hissed closed behind them, the two biotics looked at each other, a little awkwardly as both were terribly inexperienced with this state of affairs. While Kaidan was a little more familiar with the flirting and the hasty fumbles in the dark, the sentinel still looked to Shepard for guidance or something at least. Kaidan didn't earn all those commendations by over-stepping his boundaries with his superiors and he certainly wasn't going to start now.

Shepard, on the other hand, didn't really care about boundaries and he seemingly got tired of waiting for Kaidan to make good on those promises whispered to him back in Flux. The Commander just grabbed ahold of his face and planted dry lips against their counterparts. Despite having done this particular act a few times, it still remained a novelty for both men. Kaidan could literally feel the passion emanating from the Commander's body and filling his own lungs. The force of the other man's body pushing against his caused their bodies to collide, rather painfully with the the door, and Kaidan suddenly realized that it might open and thus reveal their not-so-innocent intentions to everyone.

He waited for the indicative _ping_ of a door sliding open but it never came and he sighed in relief. While he loved the Commander, the biotic wasn't too comfortable with the outing of their relationship, at least not yet anyways.

A slender finger traced his cheekbone and the unusually soft caress snapped his attention back to the present, with Shepard leaning quite wonderfully against him, here in the cool cabin.

"Kaidan," the younger man whispered warmly to him and Kaidan's heart commenced beating even faster when those blue eyes softened just a fraction. It showed the Commander in a whole new light, a softer one unhardened by the burdens of command and of the past.

"I'm good," Kaidan replied and he really was. For the first time, the biotic let himself relax, to enjoy this moment in time with all of his heart. Blue eyes lingered on his face a little longer than necessary and John leaned in again, pressing their lips together.

The two men let out soft moans of pleasure as their bodies leaned against each other and Kaidan's breath hitched when John gently cupped the back of his neck. The contact should have been painful for him. Instead, the touch made him shiver and he threw his head back as sharp teeth nibbled none too gently down his throat, no doubt leaving marks behind. His common sense told him to stop this but Kaidan ignored the voice, having already chosen his path.

Suddenly, he felt cold and his eyes snapped open to the empty presence only to find the other man undoing the clasps and buckles of his trousers and shirt. The sight made his groin throb and Kaidan stepped forward, helping the Commander take off his clothes only to push him towards the bed.

The bed was actually _softer_ than it looked but it had no problems holding the weight of two Alliance soldiers. It merely creaked slightly and the sound had them both look up into each other's eyes, shocked smiles turning quickly into wide grins.

"...Kaidan..." the younger man breathed warmly and the older biotic felt his heart race as something in those unfathomable blue eyes pulled at his chest. Kaidan cupped one cheek, a finger tracing the thick eyebrow before sweeping under the curve of a cheekbone. His heart jumped into his throat when John kissed into the palm of that hand and he leaned closer, wanting to taste those full lips again, to feel them brush against his.

Lips locked with his and Kaidan gently pressed his tongue against their counterparts, silently asking for permission to enter. Once granted, Kaidan slipped inside and both moaned as their tongues caressed each other, each one chasing the other one and being chased in turn. Hands skimmed down the bare flanks and John gasped as Kaidan rocked against him accidentally.

"John? Are you?"

"No, it's fine...do that again," Kaidan did so and John emitted a low, guttural moan at the contact. Becoming more confident that it was him making John feel so good, the older man continued pushing against him, starting out gently before quickly rutting against the younger biotic. Soon, all that could be heard were gasps and stuttered pants.

Kaidan was so focused on bringing pleasure to this wonderful man beneath him, he barely noticed one detail that needed to be changed if they were going to continue this. While Shepard was bare to him, Kaidan still wore his Alliance uniform and he leaned back, much to the chagrin of his lover, to take his top off.

His pants were an entirely different matter and he found himself being pounced on by a hundred and eighty pound man of muscle and biotic power. He would have let out a weak protest were it not for that hot mouth leaving a fiery trail of tongue and teeth. Kaidan groaned as lips sucked on an area underneath his earlobe before traveling down to the wing of the collarbone.

"...S-Shepard!" Kaidan gasped out and he clutched at John's shaved head when his nipple was gently taken into a hot mouth.

John, for his part, had no idea on how to pleasure a man and thus he was essentially going along with his instincts, which are always right. Hearing his partner's gasps, he knew that he was doing the right thing and thus lavished attentions on the other male nipple.

The hard erection prodding against his stomach reminded him that if he wanted to feel Kaidan against him, he should focus his attentions elsewhere. Thus, with some regret, John released a pert nipple but not without licking it over with the tip of his tongue. A groan rumbled deep within that broad chest and brought a smile to John's face.

He left open-mouthed kisses along the happy trail of fine hair that trailed from the man's belly button all the way to the edge of the waistband. The physical obstacle didn't stop him from nuzzling against the hardened outline of Kaidan's member and he dared to nip the tip, eliciting a higher-pitched moan, a sound that made his own cock twitch.

Nimble fingers pulled down the edge of the dampened boxer until Kaidan was finally bare to him.

The sight of the hard flesh made John aware of two facts: Kaidan was well-endowed and they were going to need lots of lube or whatever solution that's available to make it easy for them to copulate.

Before John could think about searching for lube, Kaidan pulled him down and then rolled them over to where the older man was on top, kissing him passionately and deeply, so much so that it left John breathless.

"Didn't know you like to top, Kaidan," John managed to say in between breathless pants. He groaned as Kaidan nibbled down the tendon of his neck before returning the favour to his own nipples.

"I don't see you fighting it, Shepard," was the only reply and as Kaidan began to push his body against his, John realized, with a start, that the older biotic was right. He wasn't fighting it and the revelation frightened him a bit. All his life, he spent every moment fighting for something. Out in the dirty slums of LA, he fought for food and self-preservation. He fought to escape the horrors of that dark night on Akuze, escaping with a large scar that still trailed from his back shoulder and all the way down to his left buttock. A scar that Kaidan was currently caressing, with reverence and care.

Even during shore leave, John had to fight, except it wasn't just for his life but for the helpless civilians who didn't know the true atrocities that could be committed by slavers and mercernaries, the heavily injured squadmates that he managed to throw behind the gates of the colony just before they closed.

He must have taken too long to answer for Kaidan's ministrations halted and his chin was lifted up, his eyes being gently forced into gazing at Kaidan's worried ones.

"Shepard? John?"

"You're right, Kaidan," John finally answered and Kaidan's brows furrowed in confusion. "All my life I spent fighting something, someone."

"John," Kaidan breathed out but a finger pressing against his lips stopped him from interrupting John.

"I'm just happy that I don't have to fight for this moment, for whatever is between us. Honestly, I'm glad you're in charge, to let you dictate things."

"Well, if you're not going to fight this, who am I to go against your wishes?" Kaidan answered and he leaned in to kiss John on the lips, adding tongue to the mix and making them both groan.

"But, I'll fight to keep us here, together," John breathed out and the younger man's eyes shone with determination to keep that promise. Kaidan couldn't help but wonder if that was tempting fate. When John pulled him in for another heart-wrenching round of kisses, Kaidan found that he didn't care at the moment.

Within a few minutes, the older biotic had John gasping and trembling beneath him by exploiting all his weak spots: the small dark mole on his neck, his nipples, the spot located halfway between his belly button and his straining erection, and finally the erection itself.

He happily took in the twitching staff into his mouth, earning himself a desperate mewl of pleasure, a sound that he knew John would deny ever releasing in the aftermath. He had some experience in this particular act but that was how far his tumbles in the dark went. His integrity wouldn't allow him to go any further but Kaidan had a hunch that it was because he wanted to do it with the right person.

Seeing John's eyes squeezed shut and his lips parting to release another string of strangled sounds reaffirmed that John was the right person. Wanting to hear Shepard make more desperate sounds, Kaidan started sucking on it and whatever he couldn't take in was warmly encased by a firm hand. Strong fingers threaded through dark locks of his hair but Kaidan knew that John wasn't trying to control his movements, just to merely show his appreciation and to encourage his movements. Soon, the hands started to clutch at his scalp and the older man saw John's legs parting even more, instinctively allowing easier access to the most intimate part of himself. Touched by the ease of trust, Kaidan increased the pace of his suction and before he could pull back in time, John shouted out his name and hot liquid spurted in his mouth. Kaidan had never swallowed before but in this case, he wanted to. As he gulped down the salty essence of John's release, he risked letting his finger skim down the perineum and caress Shepard's entrance. It was dry, too dry for him to take Shepard with a much bigger appendage.

"I...I'm...not sure if I have lube..." Shepard gasped out, as if reading Kaidan's mind.

"I thought you've never done this," Kaidan chuckled, his hot breath tickling the tiny hairs on the heavy sacs and making John moan again.

"That...nnngh!...doesn't mean...I...don't know what goes where...and...Kaidan!"

Kaidan had pulled Shepard's thighs up by the crook of his knees and nuzzled the sensitive area beneath the full sacs before daring to explore the puckered entrance.

"Kaidan...what...are you...unnhh!" Shepard fought for control, not sure if he liked the wet sensation down there. Then, any coherency that John had was gone as something hummed against him and he barely covered his mouth in time when he screamed into his forearm. The smell of eezo drifted into the cabin and Kaidan's body became encased in a soft blue hue. His biotics caused John's own biotic field to manifest itself and the way the dark energy rolled over their bodies had both men groaning in ever increasing heights of pleasure. Kaidan gasped out in relief as Shepard's body relaxed around his questing tongue and fingers.

He pulled back and carefully placed the tip of his organ at Shepard's entrance. Looking up, he found the younger man gazing intently at him before nodding and then hissing in discomfort and pain at the first inch of Kaidan's member pushing in.

To ease the discomfort of the penetration, Kaidan kissed John again, eagerly swallowing the younger man's moans as his hand clasped itself around the flagging erection. With a few strokes and twists at the tip, it hardened again and John relaxed even more as Kaidan pushed all the way inside him.

There were no words to describe this sensation, this feeling of being inside the Commander. Only hot and tight came into play. He wanted to move but John was still so tight around him that he would risk hurting the younger man. So, he just stayed there, laying kisses along the jaw and worrying the skin around the Adam's apple. However, at some point, his body was too impatient and it was becoming unbearable to not do something.

"...John...I...have to move," Kaidan whispered hoarsely, groaning as Shepard inadvertently tightened around him.

The Commander didn't give an answer but he dug his heels into Kaidan's buttocks and scraped his fingers along the spine while cupping the back of Kaidan's head with the other hand. Sensing the nonverbal permission to continue, Kaidan shifted his hips back and both moaned in unison as Kaidan pushed back in before pulling out again. Soon, they found a rhythm of push and pull until Shepard let out another yell. Unsure if that was of pain or pleasure, Kaidan stopped his movements but heels dug urgently into his ass and Shepard was pleading for more, his soft cries prompting Kaidan to move.

Sweat gathered at the base of Shepard's throat and Kaidan licked it up, enjoying the salacious sounds emanating from the younger man. He was so caught up in this moment that he didn't notice Shepard's eyes snap open and blacken. He didn't see Shepard's biotics flare sharply, the energy crackling and interwining with his own biotics. All he felt was the incredible sense of _John,_ of who this man was, is, and will be. Suddenly, he felt the heat of Shepard's release on both of their stomachs and Kaidan smothered John's moans, or rather his own guttural noises, by kissing him as Kaidan's own climax burst forth into Shepard.

A strange kind of lassitude swept over them and as Kaidan opened his eyes, only to stare into black counterparts, he was too tired to be shocked by the change. Instead, he merely slumped against the other man, breathing heavily against a sweat temple.

"Your eyes..." Kaidan murmured quietly in his ear, "they've gone black."

"Hmm?" John blinked and turned to face Kaidan. The older man was already fast asleep, the lines in his forehead disappearing as he slumbered. The younger man caressed the relaxed brow before planting a sweet kiss on it and resting his head against Kaidan's forehead.

"Love you, Kaidan," John whispered to his sleeping lover and he closed his eyes, letting the lethargy that had settled over their bodies take him into a much needed rest.

-TBC-

A/N: Well, I hope this chappie was worth the wait! It's going to be a while until the next smutty chapter comes along. But then again, who knows? Feed the cookie monster please!


	21. Distant

Chapter 21: Distant

The XO's cabin was dark and quiet as was the rest of the Normandy. Everybody had turned in for the nights, all trying to rejuvenate themselves for the next mission on Virmire. Various pairs could be found lying entangled with one another while others slept alone in their sleeping pods. The only one who was still up and about paced softly across the entirety of the Cargo bay, red eyes lost in deep thought but other senses were alerted to any suspicious activity.

His hulking form could not be mistaken for any other alien species and the telltale hump towered even over Shepard and his Lieutenant. Born of a species that could live for a milllenia, the male Krogan didn't need as much rest as his allies do. When he learned that humans had to sleep at least for eight hours for to be fully functional, Wrex couldn't help but ask how they could waste all that time lying there in a single location, not doing anything. The human Alliance soldiers, while in a much fitter state than their civilian counterparts, still required at least five hours of rest if not more to be considered helpful in missions.

Shepard explained it to him in the best way he could: sleep or they become compromised in dangerous missions. Wrex witnessed the consequences of the lack of sleep and it was on a mission to retrieve his family armor. So much has happened since then for him to remember the planet's name but the image of the strong Commander almost stumbling over his own feet in sheer exhaustion burned in his mind. The Second-In-Command, that Alenko kid, was left behind due to intense migraines and thus couldn't support the tired Commander with extra barriers and modded stimulants. So it had been up to him to literally push the Commander out of line of fire a couple of times.

"_You getting old there, Shepard?"_

"_Wha-? No, couldn't fucking sleep with the damn Protheans screaming in my head. You try that beacon thing and see how well you sleep afterwards!"_

"_Well, seeing as how you destroyed that last one, I can't say I'm not sorry for having missed out on that party."_

"_Yeah...whatever, Wrex..."_

Wrex's lips thinned into a slight smile at their banter and his head shook at how the Commander's eyes rolled in annoyance at Wrex's string of comments of humans aging faster than his heat sinks.

"Damn humans," he muttered underneath his breath, his voice a deep rumble that echoed in the empty cargo bay.

He would have become more immersed in memory lane of the Commander Shepard and how the short puny man made a difference in his life were it not for the lights coming back on and people began to shuffle about. Apparently, the Normandy had reached their destination sooner than expected. It wasn't long until everyone returned to their posts. Ashley, one of the toughest female soldiers he ever knew, yawned loudly as she exited the elevator, followed closely by the two turians, Nihlus and Garrus. Nihlus appeared more twitchy than normal and Wrex's instincts sent up a red flag. He would have to keep a close eye on that turian. Doesn't matter if he was a Spectre. Garrus seemed to sense his thought for the turian sniper sharply looked up and the intelligent black eyes narrowed in response to Wrex's lingering stare.

Already, this mission was starting out quite intense and Wrex got a bad hunch that it won't end well.

-o0o-

"Wow, I always thought biotics run hotter than a thermal clip but man! Those two may as well be nuclear warheads with the way heat was radiating off from the XO's office last night" Joker exclaimed a little too loudly for the Commander's comfort level.

"Joker, you know I can hear you through the comm right?" John's sardonic remark earned him an eyeroll from the Normandy's pilot.

"And everybody else too, I bet," Joker laughed and the pilot heard an exasperated groan coming from the other side of their comm line. "Anyways, Commander, we're approaching Virmire. Looks like they got some serious anti-aircraft weapons all lined up as a greeting party for us."

"Got it. Drop us off and don't get cocky, mister. We need you." If the pilot thought the last statement strange, he didn't comment on it. Instead, he merely keyed in a few codes to initialize scans for any thermal emissions. In the approaching landzone, the only thermal readings that popped up on his HUD originated from indigenous lifeforms on the green planet and Joker lowered the cargo bay door so as to release the MAKO below in the blue waters.

"Good luck out there," was all Joker said to the departing three-man team of the Commander, Kaidan, and Garrus before drawing the Normandy up and towards the main facility of where the signal had last transmitted from.

"So, I have to ask," Garrus started, his three-fingered hand tinkering around the cool muzzle of his X-31 Viper Sniper rifle. "Do all biotics run hot or just you two?"

Kaidan's face reddened so much that Garrus was just about to ask if 'red' was another common human pigment when John burst out laughing. The laughter brought out the more youthful features of the Commander, the dimpled cheeks and the bright electric blue eyes that shone with mirth. He slapped the Turian hard on the back of his shoulder guard and Garrus almost stumbled forward underneath the full weight of the slap. The turian sniper had almost forgotten how ridiculously strong the human Commander was and his mandibles twitched in annoyance at his forgetfulness.

"Come on, Garrus," John chuckled and the Commander hopped into the driver's seat of the MAKO. "Kaidan's not the only who can blush 'red' as I recall."

The fringes on Garrus' head flared in response and what retort the turian sniper had ready to snap back just fizzled into a speechless moment. "That...that was a mistake." He muttered underneath his breath. Kaidan just gave the turian a blank stare, clearly missing a punchline or something between the pair, while John shook his head and revved the MAKO into action.

"On the other hand," Garrus finally said, "with your driving skills, I think we're all going to be green in the face."

This time, everyone pitched in to laugh, the threesome unaware of the terrible misfortune that would fall upon them once they reached their destination.

-o0o-

The brightness of daytime couldn't penetrate the thick steel walls that protected the inner holdings of the laboratory. Shapes moved restlessly in the darkness, quiet murmurs the only sounds that echoed in the large space. Only one form moved with a purpose, the telltale fringes elongated in the shadows thrown back unto the walls from what little light the pods emanated. An insiduous voice whispered out to him, prodding, suggesting, but never fully taking control of the form.

He clutched at the side of his head, his eyes squeezed shut as he tried to shut out the voice that sang out to him from his flagship. A salarian doctor called out to him in that nasal tone of his and the incessant questions of concern became a dangerous annoyance to him.Finally, he backhanded the doctor, who crashed into the metallic tiles before then scrambling to his feet and scurrying away.

The voice was getting stronger and Saren was almost at the cusp of discovering how to counteract its subtle manipulation when the Geth reported alarming news of another intruder, this time of an Alliance frigate that had landed a few clicks from where he stood. If the Alliance has come, then Nihlus couldn't be too far. His spy programs managed to track the movements of his beloved student's omni-tool, hence, the reason why he had always stayed one step ahead of them. However, to convince Nihlus to join him would be another obstacle he had to overcome. If that plan falls through, he would have to eliminate his bondmate and for that, Commander Shepard would pay with every fiber of his being.

-TBC-

A/N: Gosh, I'm so sorry guys about the long waiting period. I've been just so focused on building an awesome computer as well as updating my dragon age fic, Wolf of Highever (WOH), that I completely forgot about this. Is anyone still following this? That's my question of the week.

Thanks and have a great Memorial Day weekend!


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